An Atheist Observes Ramadan: Week 4

Day 22 (Wednesday)

I farted during morning prayer today. It just came out, and I actually felt a little embarrassed that my biological need to release gas slipped out during this most intimate moment with God. We are animals after all and these things happen, I suppose. I didn't go to the extremes before my daily prayers. I didn't bath myself completely (wudu) before I knelt in prayer to Allah. From what I've read, hygiene is very important to Muslims (especially before prayer); so saying I farted during prayer may be leaning towards the blasphemous side. Not the best way to start off week four of Ramadan.

So anyways, I woke up at 4:20am today and actually ate a breakfast of nuts, celery and some salsa. I know! It's a pretty odd combination. I prayed for fajr and went back to bed. For once I actually fell right back to sleep and woke up again at around 9:30am. It felt really good to observe prayer this morning. It does feel good to be alone, quiet, and internally focused so early in the morning, before the sun rises. I am off work today. I will hopefully pray at 12:47pm for midday prayer.

My whole day off was great. I forgot to pray however for midday prayer because I was busy awaiting an email response from my Christian friend. I've mentioned him and his blog before. We have been reading Rosenberg's "An Atheist's Guide to Reality" together and discussing it a chapter at a time. I also spent a good hour or so writing week 3 of this Ramadan blog. I really enjoy doing this. I hope everyone has enjoyed reading it as much as I have writing it.

I cheated but it was with my Muslim friend so I felt it was OK by association. I had cantaloupe juice, which technically is "eating" food. My Ramadan dogmatic lines are more blurry than ever. In the afternoon I went for coffee with my girlfriend and I pointed out to her that sometimes I bend the rules of Ramadan way too far. Muslims aren't supposed to drink alcohol even if it is after 8pm. I've done my fair share of having a few beers at the end of the night or a glass of wine. I'm certain coffee and juice aren't permitted let alone water during this fast. I was clearly missing the point. I was treating Ramadan like it was some annoying rule a parent gives you as a teenager - like "don't stay out too late" or "don't watch 'Die Hard' because he says 'yippee ki yay mother******!'" This wasn't the point. The point was to deny myself something that I need to show my devotion to the one true god - Allah. Oops.

We broke fast with delicious Thai food from our favorite local Thai restaurant. That was amazing! Each meal I break fast is amazing, but this place is already so delicious. We met up with a mutual friend that I met through my girlfriend at the restaurant and we shared laughs, tea, and delicious food. We talked about old stories and joked about how they were secretly trying to kill us as it smelled like burning teflon in the restaurant. For the most part it was really enjoyable. At the end of the night, before bed, I snacked on some walnuts and read the book I mentioned earlier.

Day 23 (Thursday)

Missed Fajr today. I had a disturbing dream. The kind of sad, depressing dream that was so real it ruins your entire day. It shifts your mood during your waking life. I hate dreams like this. My girlfriend left for work and I fell back asleep again. I couldn't get the internet to work once I woke up for the day finally around 10am. I was unable get the wi-fi to work all day long so I couldn't write my Christian friend an email response regarding the book discussion. Besides all of this I completely missed the midday prayer as well. As it stands now, as I sit in my car in the parking lot of my job at 2pm, I have yet to pray today. I've only missed prayer completely once before, if I recall correctly. I plan to pray though before I go to bed at least for the final prayer of the day. One prayer is better than no prayer I never say.

I wrote my Christian friend back formerly before I went to work. I finally got the internet working a few minutes before I had to leave. In the email he mentions that he has a certain amount of respect for atheism as a world view. He said that if he were not a Christian he would be an atheist. This shocked me a bit. I found this fascinating coming from a devout Christian in the ministry. I responded by asking him -  if at the core of what you believe inside of you is "there has to be a god" then why not explore the validity of the other monotheist religions before jumping straight to atheism. His answer is very interesting to me.

I broke fast with fast food like a terrible human being and went home and went to bed without praying like a full blown heathen. Praying is something that is slipping away from me during these last few days of Ramadan.

Day 24 (Friday)

It has become very apparent that I don't pray anymore. I simply just do other things. The distinct rules and rituals of Ramadan are falling apart for me one by one. First was the "cheating" with drinking liquids during fast, now I don't pray anymore. I remember, as a teenager, t-shirts people in my church would wear that said "PRAY HARD!"I need do make one that says "HARDLY PRAYS!" But as bad as that joke is, the concept of praying "hard" is really bizarre. How does one pray hard? Does it mean you cry, sweat, or burst a blood vessel? Does praying hard look like this? Does praying hard require one to be glowing red in the face? It just makes me laugh because by contrast one can pray "soft" and I'm assuming this is the weakling who prays weak. What would that look like?

I didn't pray for midday prayer and went to work around 3pm.

**** add more here about nighttime.

(going back through this I see that not only was my Ramadan prayer fading but even blogging about my experience became less and less important to me as you can see how I never went back to "add more here about nighttime".) 

I have nothing more to add here. Looking at this now I don't recall what happened this night. Apparently nothing worth writing about.

Day 25 (Saturday)

The journal entries are becoming shorter and shorter with each new day as I wind down Ramadan. It's starting to fade. I missed prayer all day yesterday and haven't prayed at all today either. I just am never in the mood to take the time. I guess I'm not a Muslim. I'm even bad at pretending to be one. It just seems like nonstop rituals all the time. The specific ways you pray and bend your knees angle the foot so as to not point your toes towards the Qibla unless you are bowing towards Mecca.  It's like being a strict Catholic. All these symbolic gestures all the time. It all seems sort of silly and useless to me as a contemporary atheist in America. That statement may sound xenophobic or something but that's not how I intended it. People more often then not reflect the religion and cultural customs of the geographical place they grew up. I suppose I am an exception since I was raised in a Baptist home but am now an atheist.

I am going to work at 2:30pm today.

I broke fast with some leftovers from my girlfriend's parents' house at 8pm. After work I went to  meet my atheist friend for a beer at a local brewery. We were discussing my recent email exchange and book discussion with my Christian friend. We were laughing as a buzz kicked in at how much information we have actually learned from scientists such as (Krauss or Dawkins) compared to what the anti-scientism theologians and philosophers have given us. It seems that all these people want to do is poke holes in the semantics or debating techniques of the New Atheists. They are correct in a lot of ways but at the same time I have had gained so much knowledge in biology by reading a Dawkin's book. I now understand how certain scientific theories work. Those that pick holes at arguments aren't contributing as much as those that are doing science.

We also had a good laugh about how proponents of Intelligent Design, unlike the anti-scientism philosophers don't actually have any correct points in the flaws of the New Atheists. They are attempting to poke holes in the theory of evolution, but despite their confidence they are not successfully doing so. In fact, they are making themselves look really ridiculous, putting themselves out their for ridicule since reality is completely different than what the creationist gathers from his holy book.

I left the bar around midnight to go to accompany my girlfriend to her car since she got off work at 12:30am. As I was driving to meet her I saw a restaurant's sign and did a double take. The restaurant was called "Gandhi India's Cuisine". So the master faster himself is even subject to the unstoppable tidal wave of capitalism. Wow. I of course didn't pray after we got back to the house. Drunken prayers (like the TV show "Drunken History") is amusing for about a minute then it gets really old really fast. I fell asleep after having a few beers. Again, very Muslim of me. Might as well had some bacon before bed...

I am being prophetic as you will soon see.

Day 26 (Sunday)

Again no prayer. In fact I almost forgot to write anything in my journal today regarding Ramadan. It seems now just an annoying practice that is stopping me from consuming food all day. I can hardly wait for this to be over! I really mean that. I think next year if I do this again I will participate in what I call "Ramadan Light" (it's all the fun of Ramadan but in half the time! I would maybe do it for a week or two. A month is too long!) I'm writing this at 7:55pm and I'm about to go break my fast with my Muslim friend. This week hasn't been so magical and I was under the impression that it was supposed to be the best week. I have to say I read somewhere or heard on the news that during this week Muslims pray more. I have actually prayed less. I haven't again prayed at all today

I'll write more after breaking my fast.

... Or not.

Day 27 (Monday)

Has it become apparent to the readers of this last week of Ramadan I'm sort of going through the motions at this point. I have lost my steam even for writing about it. Today was another prayerless day. I woke up early to go to offsite. "Retail Now" convention. I felt like a vampire, rushing to eat as the sun slowly rises in the background. I must not be in the sunlight! AAAH!! "Muslim Vampires". Hmm. I may want to copyright that movie idea! If Abraham Lincoln can be a vampire hunter why can't a devout Muslim by a vampire? The offsite was fun. It was laid back and I sat with my co-worker talking about all sorts of things. We talked about people growing their own food and how I was really wanting to get into gardening once we moved into an adequate house that had a backyard. He told me that he always gets fresh homegrown veggies and fruits from people in his church. I had a flashback of all the tomatoes, peppers, and cucumbers our fellow church-goers gave us each Sunday at church growing up. The one thing I miss desperately with religion is the community of people that help each other out. This is the biggest draw in my opinion to church-going.

I broke my fast with my Muslim friend again. We had salad, eggplant, and delicious rice with pomegranet seeds. We had a great time laughing as we also ate our dates and hot tea. He told me about when he lived in the Middle East how they all met up after Ramadan for a celebration. They would all meet up in a very large building. He said it was the size of a stadium, but so many people came for celebration that they had to open up the parking lot as well; and everyone brought their own prayer mats and prayed together. This must have been a powerful sight.

After the meal we watched the film, "Ben Hur". I've seen this movie countless times growing up with my family. It's an entertaining movie that of course has some silly over-dramatic acting at times and the whole Jesus thing goes a little too far into Christian propaganda. It's fine if you want to portray Jesus of Nazareth in Roman history, but it's quite another thing to go the Christ route. Anyways, there is this scene where a bunch of African slaves dance around - the women of course have barely any clothes on dancing seductively and I remembered my father. I was very young and my dad was grumbling under his breath while he would always turn the channel or fast forward during that part. Oh dad, must you censor every thing biology gives us homo sapiens? There weren't too many films (even older ones) that my father didn't have at least one scene in the movie that he felt needed to be censored.

My Muslim friend told me that some Jehovah Witnesses came to his house a few years back and instead of shooing them away he let them in to discuss their religion. As someone who grew up an Evangelical Christian that is now a nonbeliever I found it fascinating to hear stories about a Muslim and a Jehovah Witness debating the truth claims of their specific religion. I recently had a friend convert to the Jehovah Witness religion and he has become strict in his new faith. I may possibly be joining him for meetings to see what it is all about and quite possibly blog about this experience. Apparently I am becoming the atheist who participates in all things religion (except the belief in god part).

My Muslim friend said they talked for hours and they even brought back their pastor or whoever is in charge of the local meet ups for Jehovah Witnesses. They discussed differences between Islam and Jehovah Witness. He said that the Jehovah Witness said that no one in my friend's house should be getting a blood transfusion and that he should take down their Christmas tree. The men asked why a Muslim would even have a Christmas tree. My Muslim friend responded, "well my family likes it." The men explained that Christmas was nothing more than a holiday for consumers. I couldn't agree more with that statement myself, but the entire time he was telling me this I was so wishing I could have been there to record this exchange. I have to do more research on the Jehovah Witness faith. They have some interesting beliefs.

Today was a good day, but still again ... no prayer all day.

Day 28 (Tuesday)

I am told by my Muslim friend that this is the 2nd to last day of Ramadan. I look forward to eating when I'm hungry again. This was a very long month and I don't know if I will be doing it again. If I do it will be out of the respect for my Muslim friend and showing solidarity with him in what he cares about most. I think it made him happy to know he wasn't alone in his circle of friends observing Ramadan. He knows I am not a Muslim. In fact I was asked recently by someone "So you aren't an atheist anymore?" noting on my recent observing of Ramadan. I was taken off guard by the question. At times in our society I think its really hard to admit you are an atheist. I didn't fully admit to my atheism (I feel guilty about not being true to who I am). I essentially explained that I was agnostic, mostly because the person I was talking to probably didn't know what an agnostic atheist was. Things like this always start with, "well, it's complicated to explain." It is in some ways, but the blunt honesty of saying, "Yes. I'm an atheist" is something I'm still barely getting used to since it still isn't completely accepted in American society. I explained to her that someone can technically be an agnostic atheist, which is what I am.

I have to work again tonight at 2:30 and I am not sure how I will break my fast. I may try to actually pray for midday if I don't forget in an hour or so. I'll let you know.

I forgot dhuhr completely today. I didn't pray. Big shock. I realized this as I was sitting in my car listening to "Star Talk Radio w/ Neil deGrasse Tyson" waiting to go into work at 2:30pm. I spent a good majority of my day watching this documentary called "Searching for Noah's Ark". It was a documentary from the 70's that showed "conclusive" proof that Noah's Ark has indeed been found on Mount Ararat in Turkey. Of course this entire documentary was riddled with bias and false information. It was actually sort of like Poe's law. If you were to stumble across this you may think that it was a parody. It's hard to tell sometimes with these things.

We couldn't contact my brother who is traveling abroad til the end of this month. For a moment in my mind (as I was in line at Coffee Bean getting my gallon of iced coffee) I linked my brother's possible safety concerns (as my mother and I had not heard from him in some time) to me not praying anymore. It's funny how our mind automatically goes to what we were programmed as a child to believe. When I was younger when something terrible would happen I would beg Jesus in a very passionate tearful prayer (AKA - "Praying Hard!") to ease my pain or suffering. Now I was feeling the same guilt for not praying, but to a different god this time - Allah. And just for an instant. Of course I snapped back into reality and remembered all the studies on prayer and how they have conclusively shown prayer does not work. I considered in that brief moment to try and cover my bases with the two different gods and have my dad pray to his Christian god while my Muslim friend could pray to the god of Islam. I went with the "Flying Spaghetti Monster" instead.

After work I drank a few beers and watched a very powerful documentary on climate change. It's called "Chasing Ice". (Find it and watch it! It's on Netflix) I had tears rolling down my face as I watched ice sheets plummeting into the ocean and made a very real connection to the power I'm using in the house in which I live to watch this documentary and climate change. We like to think we are separated from nature. Religion in a general sense does not help in this regard. We are told from Islam to Christianity that God has "chosen people" .. a strand of ape species called homo sapiens that are to have "dominion over the earth" (it is our God-given right to subdue this planet as our own). This is the opposite of ecology and the opposite of how we should act. This god has set aside a chosen people to do with this planet what they will because this is not our "real home" .. this is merely temporary. In some ways this defense mechanism of religion (confronting with one's own mortality) has backfired and caused us to think we can do with this planet whatever we see fit since we are merely "passing through" in this lifetime. It's such a damaging way of thinking. We can never just be satisfied with this brief life we are so lucky to live and treat this planet with respect by living sustainably.

Went to bed with a bit of a buzz and no prayer. Tomorrow is the last day of Ramadan. Will I get up to pray?

Day 29 (Wednesday)

Nope.

In fact I slept almost til 11am like some hungover teenager. I have a dentist appointment at 3 so hopefully I can pray one last time at midday prayer. I drank coffee (imagine that) and water today. Since my Muslim friend and I started one day late (according to some Muslims) we technically should fast through tomorrow, but today will be our last day. I'm completely fine with this. However, we were talking today about using this momentum of fasting every day and supplementing it with just eating raw fruit all day, or raw veggies all day, maybe three days a week. This will of course cleanse our organs and also help us eat a healthier at least a third of the meals we consume. I also MUST stop drinking coffee every couple hours. It's very unhealthy to drink the amount of coffee I have been drinking since I started Ramadan. Not eating is just an excuse for this bad habit.

This was one of my favorite nights during Ramadan. After a delicious meal of chicken cutlets and salad we sat down (my Muslim friend, his wife, my girlfriend and I) and shared some tea and watched some TV. After awhile my Muslim friend started telling us stories of his childhood and teenage years (growing up in the Middle East). I have joked before that this man is quite possibly "the most interesting man in the world" (AKA the Dos Equis guy). Not only does he sort of look like him but he literally is the most interesting man I've met in a lot of ways. His stories are amazing tales of adventure and hilarity. He nearly went to the Olympics. He's met really famous world leaders, he's a world traveler. He had us in tears of laughter at some points while shocking us with unbelievable tales at other moments. We left feeling so connected and uplifted. I am so glad I was able to experience this Muslim tradition with him. This was another reason why I did this. Perhaps the most important reason - I wanted to have solidarity with people that matter most in my life.
It's what ultimately makes me a humanist. I like humans. Especially my Muslim friend.

I think it's important to show support even when you don't necessarily identify with a friend or family member's religion, politics, belief system, etc. As I've said before, we are all just humans trying to work things out in our own way, in our own head, in our own heart each passing moment in our fleeting lifetime. I think we need more solidarity, support, and love. I learned this lesson doing this. It's important to see where the other person is coming from. I think it is important to stand side by side with people to show them that you support their right to do whatever they want or to believe whatever they want. This should be reciprocated as well. As atheists we should be able to expect the same support and solidarity in our life choices and nonbelief. We should have our friends and family's back and they should have ours because love is more important than whether you think there is a god or not.

Day 30 (Thursday)

My Muslim friend and I celebrated the end of Ramadan (Eid-al-Fitr) in our own local way... We went to a buffet at a nearby casino to eat the "all you can eat" breakfast. We loaded up with sausage, eggs, bacon, chicken friend steak, biscuits and gravy, pancakes, waffles, and hashbrowns. We had a great time and ate until we couldn't eat anymore. The food was delicious and we dispersed and went about our day. I had forgotten what a full stomach in the morning felt like. It felt terrible. I went off to work in a food coma and almost longed for the days of fasting as feeling that full does not feel right. The food we ate was incredibly unhealthy as well, which didn't help. I would suggest for those atheists out there that are considering practicing Ramadan follow these tips:

1. Don't drink so much coffee during your fast (maybe only on your first day just so you don't get a migraine)

2. Don't ever gorge on food the day after Ramadan (it hurts! Your body isn't used to it. Don't shock your system.)

In Conclusion:

I like to put myself in other people's shoes sometimes and see the world form their perspective. I think this is vital in understanding where people are coming from and to better form a worldview that isn't narrow-minded. The news reports in the last few days have been about the al qaeda threat on U.S. embassies worldwide. The news tells me that terrorist threats are something we need to all be aware of during this time of year (the end of Ramadan). I just thought how strange. That's not been my experience at all. I am not naive enough to not think there aren't religious extremist in Islam, obviously, but it so contrasts my personal, peaceful Ramadan experience. I don't recall reading that at the end of Ramadan you are to break your fast by blowing up Americans. The Islam I experienced in that month was a peaceful Islam. It was an Islam that showed me the internal focus power of prayer, but it was also the Islam that showed me some outdated information on life and human well-being. It showed me that not all Muslims are evil terrorist, but it also showed me that not eating all day long can give you a massive migraine headache because your biological need for food is something you should satisfy.

The way people I grew up with in white middle America think of Muslims is no longer how I think about Muslims. As I've recently heard some people from my past suggest President Obama is a secret terrorist Muslim, one can only chalk these fallacies up for ignorance. It's simply that these people don't know because they are listening to the filter. As President Bush once said, it's hard to get the correct information when most Americans are listening/watching through the filter (referring to the major media in the U.S.) I agree with him. If you turn on different news stations you get a very skewed worldview. A worldview that isn't necessarily correct. It's narrow and biased in many ways. I think it would do many Christians good as well as many atheists to walk a day in a Muslim's shoes. I think many Muslims are profiled unfairly and treated as second-class citizens in this country and from my personal experience the most peaceful and loving people I know happen to be practicing Muslims. So before you judge try walking in their shoes for a day. Try Ramadan for yourself and see where you land.

Of course I stand with Sam Harris and many others who consider Islam as a very dangerous religion (going through it's rebellious, barbaric, violent teenage years) in the modern world. We need to settle it down. If religion is going to persist and survive in this modern era it has to be a moderate form of religion not a literalist version of any religion. The world cannot survive with these types of extremists out there (in any religion) as they are to get their hands on WMDs and wipe us all out. A free society is the only thing that should not be compromised. I will offend your religious dogma any day if it means saving my free society.

And what of all the charity work? This is the one thing that made me really want to do Ramadan. All this charity work. My Muslim friend said that his mother donated for me and him and his whole family to the Red Cross. This is tremendously sweet and beautiful of her to do, but I never directly participated in charity myself. (The homeless guy with the dollar doesn't count.) I am not blaming anyone but myself of course but it got me thinking about religion just being a lens to see the world through, a totally unnecessary lens at that. I mean, essentially I experienced Ramadan and didn't give to the poor where as an atheist I have at least signed up to do soup kitchen work and packing bagged lunches for poor children. Religion doesn't own morality. In fact it confuses things. One can be moral and be an unbeliever obviously, but why jump through this unnecessary hoop to just help ease the suffering of a fellow human being?

In the end of this experiment it was brought to my attention how I became an atheist. Some have testimonies of a drastic "AHA!" moment where it suddenly hit them that religion was all a crock of b.s. However, for me and many other atheist friends of mine it was a slow gradual process. It wasn't painful for me either. If you were to meet me as a child or even teenager you would have met a devout follower of Jesus Christ. I was a young earth creationist, anti-evolution, Bible-fearing punk rocker for God. And it was very real, and slowly but surely, piece by piece, with each bit of information I read here or video I watched there or hypocrisy I noticed in this church or with that pastor my faith slowly fell apart. My month long experience with Islam (through Ramadan) sort of fell apart slowly the same way. I just stopped caring and with that began to just be "over it". I suppose this could be due to laziness as much as it is missing my creature comforts. It all came crumbling down until in the end I was exactly where I started -

... an Atheist.

An Atheist Observes Ramadan: Week 3

Day 15 (Wednesday)

Woke up today late once again. I skipped morning prayer completely. I got home so late last night from the offsite apparently I hit snooze 80 times and slept through sunrise. I also missed eating, which having some disgusting bean tacos from a local fast food restaurant last night, I don't deserve breakfast.

12:52pm: Finally was able to get at least one prayer in before my four day break from Ramadan. This prayer was like the slap-stick comedy prayer. I nearly fell on my ass as I was getting up from sujood and I found it somewhat hard to concentrate at the first part of the prayer since the cat was just staring at me so intensely as if thinking "What on earth are you doing?!" However, hands down (not just literally) the prayer requests were the most enjoyable. It all came flooding back to me. How to pray and to really mean it. I couldn't stop. I was naming all my friends and family. Keep them safe, Allah. Bless them with good health and wealth! I prayed for the poor. I prayed for everyone else except for myself. This was a first time too. I usually always pray for my life, my health, my success. I was too consumed with others (which I think is a good thing) to pray for my own needs.

So I am about packed for my trip. I am looking forward to seeing my friend. It's been a long time since we've hung out. We have been friends since we were in high school and known each other throughout grade school too. I look forward to relaxing by his pool and meeting his new son. Well, off to work now. I will of course stop for my usual skinny, extra iced, (with extra shots), pumpkin spice, sprinkles, and light whip frappamochachaiatino on my way to work - You know, I'm fasting and all. This is what I like to call the "all coffee fast". This has basically just been an all coffee diet.

Day 16-20 (Thurs.-Mon.)

I took this time off of Ramadan to go visit one of my longest friends in Houston. During this time I met my best friend's 14 month old child - which was pretty much the cutest baby I have ever laid eyes upon. I also swam in his pool in his gorgeous back yard. We shared stories, beers, laughs, food, and memories. It was such a relaxing vacation. I met my friend's friend from work. She was a really funny and fun person to be around. Her hardy laugh made the baby cry as we joked that her joy basically makes the child weep.

She asked me why, as an atheist I was observing Ramadan. She said that she had read week 1 of my Ramadan blog. I told her one reason was to blog about it. (obviously) I told her I love to write and these types of experiments are really enjoyable to me. I like also to be challenged and this even goes for my atheism surprisingly. If this month of Ramadan were to convince me that the one true way is accepting Allah as the one true God then so be it. This hasn't happened yet, but maybe it's still too early to tell. As always I am a freethinker and a skeptic first. So this entire experience, reading the Qu'ran, the fasting is all part of teaching me something and if that something happens to be that the Muslim faith is the one true way to live, I will accept that. That's what being truly open minded means.

Before I left for Houston, my friend in Vegas mentioned to me that I should start writing a book called something like, The Religious Atheist: Or How I learned to Stop Being an Anti-Theist and Embrace Nonsense. It would consist of me (the atheist) participating in all these different religious rituals (not just Muslim but Christian or Hindu or whatever). I liked the idea, even though it does sort of sound like a spin-off of A.J. Jacob's book Year of Living Biblically. - Which is a great book by the way! Before I left I had some sort of weird epiphany; maybe it was the starved brain that made me feel like it was some sort of message from Allah, but it certainly seemed powerful. I felt like God was calling me to be a writer. Not that that is really anything new, but to really pursue it in a university. We'll see how far that conviction leads me. At least the epiphany wasn't to go back to Bible College. That would have sucked. And I would have ignored God.

During our trip we also attended atheist church. That's right - Atheist church. I was very disappointed I didn't come a week earlier. The guest speaker of last week was Jerry DeWitt (an ex-Assembly of God pastor/televangelist) turned atheist. This was a weekly Sunday morning meetup of atheists put together by the Oasis Center ("A community grounded in reason, celebrating the human experience." - as it said on their business cards) The group was led by Mike Aus, an ex-pastor, turned atheist. The banner on the wall just said "People are more important than beliefs". I really liked this simple message. It was more of a humanist-driven church. They discussed when and where they would meet up for upcoming charity events like soup kitchens, etc.

My friend and I recalled how we would sometimes get "called down" by the pastor growing up in our Baptist church, and just how funny it would be if the same thing happened in atheist church since we were cracking jokes the whole way through the service. I wrote in a past blog about our ridiculous "Mighty Boosh/Tim and Eric style stories" my friend and I would concoct from the surrounding cast of church-going characters. We pictured everyone shooting up heroine and tripping on acid, orgies, thievery, wild animal sacrifice (basically all the things that our conservative Christian family or friends think happens when atheists get together). We were like, "Oh I guess our parents were right all along."

We couldn't deny the strange bizarro-world that seemed to be the parallel to our Christian church from back home. There were even people in the audience that resembled some characters from back home. The speaker at Oasis meetup looked almost exactly like a deacon and faithful church-attendee from our home church named Bill. We laughed at how everything was just a mirror image. The music was whatever, but before the speaker went up to the podium a man had something he wanted to read to everyone. It was his thoughts on using the word "luck" and how there was no such thing and how faith was bad. My friend and I laughed at how directly opposite this "church" was. They were talking about the dangers of faith while at that very moment in our hometown in Illinois the pastor was probably talking about faith being a virtue. Also, people started to chime in after this man got done with his diatribe on use of the word "luck". "Can you image this happening in our old church? Can you even imagine a discussion like this where people in the congregation disagree and vocalize their disagreement with someone in authority?"-  my friend said to me. It was refreshing to see a debate and a discussion where no one was "in charge" so to speak.

The guest speaker's name was Dennis Fehr. He was an ex-Mechanized Amish turned atheist. His story was very powerful and moving. He grew up in a strict environment that didn't even allow for the simple joy of art. Mechanized Amish is a little more modern than the traditional Amish. They are allowed to drive cars but the speaker said the cars where not allowed to be "flashy", all the chrome from the vehicle was removed and everything painted black. He talked of going to college for art and how this was not acceptable to his Amish community. He also married very young and finally divorced, which too was something that ostracized him. He attended the University of Illinois for Art and even talked about Decatur, Illinois which was very close to where we both grew up. In the end he talked about his father. We all teared up with Dennis as he told of how despite the push back from everyone his father knew, his father always supported his decisions. He held back the tears, and his mouth twisted to say the words that despite all the pain he caused his family his father still showed unconditional love for him. Even through his de-conversion and path to atheism he was accepted by his family. It was such a great story. Very uplifting.

At the end of the service Mike Aus came to the podium and talked about the exciting program next Sunday that would start a half hour early. Next Sunday's program is going to be with famous internet atheist, Aaron Ra and biologist, PZ Meyers. After the "service" let out we met some people that were in attendance. There were probably, I would estimate, around a hundred people in attendance. We met people that came to atheism from all walks of life. Some were born into an atheistic home, another man was born in Pakistan as a Muslim, yet another was still a Mormon that was "working things out in his head". All very nice people and that was the thing I loved most about this, it's all about meeting people. We are social animals at our very core and it feels good to socialize. I was moved by the whole refreshing experience. I am now going to look into local atheist meet ups here in Vegas.

After the the "service" we met with the "congregation" at Jason's Deli (in our home town, growing up, after church we would all meet up at Ponderosa or Pizza Hut for the buffet - see "bizarro-world"!) My friend had been trying to call his wife multiple times to confirm if she was making lunch for all of us or not. She wasn't answering her phone so we went ahead and got in line at Jason's Deli. In front of us was a man wearing a shirt that said "It is finished!", referencing Jesus' last words on the cross. One of the atheists in attendance at the Oasis meetup was talking to him about religion. It was sort of like un-evangelizing. As we stood in an unmoving line for about ten minutes my friend said we should probably just go, just in case his wife was making food. So we ditched everyone. We didn't really say goodbye to anyone. We jokingly imagined, as we saw Mike Aus straggle in late while we left,

Mike saying, Oh you guys leaving?

Yeah, we just converted back to Christianity in line here. - we reply.

Mike Aus just sort of makes a confused look while replying back, 

Alright then, ...

We laughed about the possibility of someone that was so fickle to just instantaneously be convinced by a single argument. This person after attending atheist church would be "saved" then attend a Christian church next Sunday be convinced instantly by a conversation with a Jewish person, and Muslim and so on. Each week changing their mind on the most important of questions about life and the universe. We had a good long laugh about how absurd that would be and joined his wife and son for a delicious lunch on the patio.

I had a wonderful time in Houston. I reflected on this as I sat drinking a large beer at Chili's in the George Bush Intercontinental Airport waiting for my flight to start boarding. I miss my friend and our jokes. We discussed forming a band that will most certainly be called "Slack Jaw Jesus and the Balling Fondas". It will involve my brother, me, him, and probably a laptop, but the laptop will for sure be an actual member of the band. We saw some pretty interesting indie music in downtown Houston at a place called the Fitzgerald. The bands were "Ishi" and the "TonTons". I was able to see mission control at the NASA Space Center museum. We visited Austin, Texas where everyone has an ironic t-shirt, a mustache, and tattoos. It was a pretty cool city. I will be visiting Houston/Austin again very soon. Band practice starts next month, I think...

Or does it?!?

Day 21 (Tuesday)

Hello, Ramadan! I'm back!
I arrived back in Las Vegas late Monday night. The last non-Ramadan meal I ate was Chipotle. It was around 6pm Monday night. I woke up too late for prayer so I will do it right now at 12:47pm. I'm curious to see how this will go. How hungry I will be since I took 5 days off of fasting. This is the last day of the 3rd week of Ramadan. I work until 10:30pm tonight. Hopefully it goes well.

I stopped by Coffee Bean on my way to work for my daily fasting cheat of coffee with dark chocolate flavoring. This help sustain me and my entire day was very productive with no real hunger pangs. I almost didn't even notice it was past 8pm. I broke fast with olives, some brown rice and some orange peel chicken Thai food. I only prayed once, but the midday prayer was a good one. I have to admit I missed it. I enjoyed the time to just sit and focus on my friends and family - sending them good thoughts and wishes. Praying for them. When I was on my vacation in Houston my friend sent me a link of Reza Aslan doing a calm verbal smack down of a badgering agenda-driven Fox News "reporter" not really talking about his new book on Jesus of Nazareth. I found Reza's response refreshing and his clarity empowering. It was what I mentioned in my previous blog. I was impressed by this man's passion for history and his engaging, friendly demeanor. I will post a link below with the video I am referring to.

This is the end of my very shortened week 3 of Ramadan. Week 4 is coming soon... It will be the last week and a handful of days near the end. I hope to write a wrap up conclusion to this whole experience.

Meet Houston Oasis:
www.houstonoasis.org

Meet Mike Aus:
www.un-pastorized.com

If you are ever in Houston go to see shows here:
http://fitzlivemusic.com/

Meet the band "Tontons":
http://thetontons.com/

Meet the band "Ishi":
 http://www.ishimusic.com/

Reza Aslan being "interviewed" by a Fox News "reporter":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YY92TV4_Wc0

An Atheist Observes Ramadan: Week 2

Day 8 (Wednesday)

I was informed last night that my atheist friend who was going to join me in Ramadan and blogging about his experience is not on board anymore. He has too much on his plate (not like literally) with writing samples for grad school and other such secular concerns. He obviously will not be blogging about this now. So please ignore my introduction. I'm alone in my Islamic endeavor here. So Day 8. This was the second time now I overslept through the morning prayer. Clearly alcohol and going to bed at 2am is causing me to wake up too late. I briefly considered praying while still buzzed from a couple beers and that seemed worse than not praying at all, so I chose to sleep through fajr. I am confident that this won’t happen as much going forward as I will be much more diligent in my next few weeks in not consuming alcohol before I go to bed.

I woke up today and put the finishing touches on the blog for the first week. I sat at the local library as I rehashed some of my week. Most of my experiences are coming in first person as a journal or diary from day to day. I had a great time in midday prayer at 12:47pm today. It was personal and focused. With each prayer I am noticing more focus and clarity. I pay attention more to what I’m saying. Even if I don’t necessarily believe or agree with everything I’m saying. It has become second nature. It’s just a routine now. I’m an atheist that prays. Whatever.

So today was the first day of Ramadan that I have drank coffee twice. I usually feel justified when I drink coffee or even water because I’m technically “traveling” by driving to work or somewhere. The rules of Ramadan allow you to break your fast if you are traveling. I didn’t take this loophole to the extreme and shove food down my throat as I drove around, but I felt if I’m going to cheat that I might as well do it in the Ramadan grey area. Today, as I write this, I’m enjoying an ice cold cup of black coffee. This is the first time I’ve drank coffee without traveling. My morals are loose. Maybe you have heard of this new "Atheism+" well this is "Ramadan+". It's Ramadan plus a lot of coffee.

No?

I had a great breaking of my fast. My Muslim friend served us delicious lamb shank with rice, lima beans, and yogurt. For dessert we had rice pudding with rose pedal jam. Which I'm not sure if you've ever tasted anything "rose-flavored" but if not you are missing out. Rose water is amazing, by the way, and this jam was the best jam I've ever had in my life. Try also Persian ice cream made with rose water. Dear Allah it's ridiculously delicious! It's unbelievable what this creamy, flower flavored ice cream does to your taste buds. Anyways, after I ate we enjoyed some mint and basil tea. For some reason it made my stomach cramp up and I felt very nauseous afterwards. This subsided after a about thirty minutes or so. I stayed up very late reading the book Denial: Self-Deception, False Beliefs, and the Origins of the Human Mind by Ajik Varki. It was so fascinating I couldn't put it down. I highly recommend giving it a read when you are done with "50 Shades of Grey".

Day 9 (Thursday)

Due to my late night reading marathon I hit the snooze button on my alarm at 3:45am and finally woke up just in time to shove down some walnuts, dates, and an orange just before sunrise. I did the most ridiculously condensed version of the morning prayer. I didn't recite everything fully and I skipped a round, only doing ruku and sujood once, then crawled back into bed. It's always been difficult to fall back asleep after eating, but finally I was able to. 

I had a meeting for my work at 11am so I went to that. After my meeting I drove to Starbucks to write and drink (once again ignoring even the loophole of "traveling" while drinking) something I haven't drank yet. Up until this point I have cheated in Ramadan by drinking water and black coffee only. Well, today for the first time I consumed unsweetened black iced tea. I payed the price too because it made my stomach ache for a good hour. When I was leaving Starbucks I was able to participate in the my first charity work in the most pathetic lame way possible. A teenager was sitting outside asking people leaving for money. I looked in my wallet and only had $1. I gave it to him. Since it's specifically what he asked for at least I gave him what he wanted. "May Allah bless me extra now" I thought as I got in my car to drove away. 

I never prayed again today which is the first time I've really sort of brushed off doing a proper prayer. I felt like I was slipping even further out of the good graces of Allah. I broke fast with a Jimmy Johns veggie sandwich. The rest of the night was uneventful and I once again I stayed up too late watching television. I hope tomorrow will be a better Ramadan day. Today was a little lame.

Day 10 (Friday)

Woke up today at 4:05am to eat a small breakfast of my usual fruits and this time added a handful of crackers too. I prayed a very concentrated proper prayer specifically to make up for yesterdays waste of a prayer day. I had to work at 10am today. As keeping with my new trend of bending some Ramadan rule each day, today was the first day I ordered coffee on the way to work WITH cream and sugar. Not really doing the road less traveled here. I arrived at work and had a great day. Unfortunately there was an issue with the closing manager at work not being able to make it in. I knew about around 4:30pm that I was probably going to have to stay until the store closed at 10pm. So I was staring at a full 12 hour shift with having no way to get food. I say that sort of sarcastically. Of course there are always ways to get food. However, since I was the only manager on duty I was unable to leave the store. My girlfriend first offered to bring me food, but I didn't want her to have to drive all that way just to deliver food so I could break fast at 8pm. Other coworkers were also kind enough to offer, but of course I didn't have any cash on me. If only I hadn't given it to that teenager asking for it. Just kidding. A little Ramadan joke at the expense of the poor.

That's probably not good.

At 8pm I broke fast with some habanero and sour cream flavored pretzel bites as I think Muhammad was witnessed doing once. Of course I'm kidding, and Muslims know how to take a joke when it comes to Muhammad, right? ... Anyways, it was all I could find to sooth my searing hunger. I think this day was the second worst day of Ramadan for me (as far as the suffering part of it goes - of course I say suffering lightly with perspective - I realize that in comparison to the actual starving people all over the world it's nothing). My stomach was growling something fierce and I felt very delusional nearing the 8pm hour. The pretzels did the trick to get me to a proper meal once I was able to leave the store around 10:30pm. I ate a small combination of In and Out burger and Cain's Chicken. Ridiculous, I know. Don't judge me! It was a really long day. Jesus!

Day 11 (Saturday) 

Due to having to work 12 hours yesterday I am off work today. I was initially supposed to go help with a book signing of Jimi Hendrix's brother signing his book at Michael Jackson's old mansion, but unfortunately due to the overtime I couldn't make that happen today. A day off is just as good though. So far not so good as I again stayed up late. Watching this debate between Alex Rosenberg and William Lane Craig:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhfkhq-CM84

It's quite long. Like almost 3 hours long and I started it around midnight. So ... once again I completely slept through fajr. For I think the first time too I didn't eat breakfast. Of course I feel my double meal last night justifies me skipping eating in the morning today. I called my mother and had a wonderful lengthy chat with her about what's happening in our lives, but missed the midday prayer (Dhuhr) completely. So will this be the first official day I don't pray at all? Not even a quick abbreviated version? I hope not. It's currently 2:27pm right now so I have time to make up for it. Maybe at 8pm before I break fast I will be able to. 

Today was great so far too because I had a fun lengthy conversation with my father. As I've mentioned in past blog posts, my father is a devout Christian. He is an evangelical Christian. His denomination is Baptist. He never misses a church service: Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, and any activities in between. He was talking to me today about the last church service he attended. The pastor went up to begin his sermon and suddenly ... all the lights go out. The pastor just stood there for a bit then finally dismissed the congregation. My dad then went on to describe what he thinks the cause of the power outage was. Without so much as batting an eye, in the most serious voice possible, my father tells me that squirrels are always getting into the power breakers and knocking stuff around enough to cut power to the whole church building. I died laughing and he just sat silent on the phone. The fact that he did not even see the smallest amount of humor in this ridiculous story just made me laugh more.

My dad went on to describe how they were overworking him at his job, requiring him to work 12 hour days every day of the week and possibly now weekends. He explained that he prays daily that the God of the Bible will give him the strength to basically not "loose it" as his company appears to be trying to push him out of a job to hire someone that can work for much less an hour. It would appear they are trying to get him to quit or get fired by not working these ridiculous hours. It's a complete cluster that I hope he can combat with the help of his union. Anyways, it got me thinking after I got off the phone. I regret not saying this while I was on the phone too, but I wish I would have said, "Dad, yeah I know what you mean about prayer, I've been praying a lot lately too." Of course we are essentially praying to two completely different gods (well, actually are we?). I am of the impression that my family would likely be more dissatisfied if I become a practicing Muslim over a practicing Atheist (which is what I am -- whatever "practicing" means). So the worse possible combination would be an atheist that is still a "practicing Muslim". Haha! That's ridiculous.

I considered going to Whole Foods and getting a large juice. I used to go here often in the afternoon on my days off to get a Green Gardener smoothie (bananas or blueberries, kale, spinach, oranges, .. etc) but I felt like that would really be cheating since it's essentially "eating" in that I'm taking in nutrients. Ramadan is about not eating. I have noticed something else I want to mention here about fasting:

Fasting gives you this very surreal perception of the power of minimalism. With each thing we consume in our lofty American lives in 2013 we don't really realize the deleterious effects of all this "stuff". If you have never watched the video called "The story of stuff" on YouTube do yourself a favor and check it out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLBE5QAYXp8

It will open your eyes to the actual costs connected to what you buy and consume. There are so many things we don't need we take for granted. Think of all the packaging. Everything you attain is in packages. All this waste all these things are dragging us down and as I notice the power of minimalism as I fast I feel whole. As you get older it may be important to start shedding your "stuff" and honing in on personal things in our life. Think big but live small. It's quite a simple and timeless creed but it's true. When fasting I am fully aware of the control I have of my own consumption and that control gives me what feels like real power. The power over myself. I really like this part about Ramadan. I suggest trying it sometime if you never have before. Take away something from your life to see if you can live without it. It doesn't necessarily have to be food, but it can be. Join me in shedding your extra baggage and living more sustainably and more whole.

After that message on anti-consumption I somehow ended up at McDonalds and I drank coffee WITH cream and sugar. That's great. I have really fallen over the edge now. I am cheating too much with the drinks during Ramadan. I have failed. I'm sitting in McDonalds right now reading (who does that?) This is obviously where parents take their children to burn off their energy in the play area. It is really loud in here. I wonder if any writer has ever just spent a whole day in a McDonalds writing about his observations. I did not break fast with McDonalds, don't worry. I broke it with a delicious meal of baba ganoosh, salad, and a couple Persian desserts. I prayed before I ate the meal at around 7:30pm. It wasn't on strict schedule but I refused to not pray at all today. I had to squeeze at least one prayer in today.

Day 12 (Sunday)

I woke up at 4:30am today. Just barely in time to eat a peanut butter and honey sandwich. No morning prayer again today (I am really slacking on prayer now each morning) which is one of the most important prayers for Muslims. I crawled back into bed and woke up around 10am. I got ready for work. I was scheduled into work at 1pm. On my way to work I stopped by McDonalds again to get another flavored coffee. I keep taking these baby steps, cheating with each day of Ramadan. I got coffee with hazelnut flavoring and cream. Dear Lord.

--- So it seems have I have turned into my theist friend Dan as of late. He has a "theist/coffee themed" blog here: http://www.theolatte.com/ I vowed I would never write a blog about coffee and here I am. What have I become? An atheist practicing Muslim rituals that can't stop going on and on about coffee. ----

Work was very difficult. The hunger was intense. I also wasn't "feeling the love" I felt last week towards customers. I was grumpy and short tempered. It felt all wrong. I finally broke my fast after a short prayer with a subway sandwich. That was one of the best meals I've had. It was satisfying. I went home and shared a bottle of wine with my girlfriend and went to bed. Mostly uneventful day, nothing to report really.

Day 13 (Monday)

Woke up late again. Just enough time to shove down a honey and walnut sandwich and some water. I had a mild headache from the wine, but overall felt OK. It seems to be no longer just the exception to the rule that I miss fajr. I keep missing morning prayer and I'm not so sure why besides just being overly tired and lazy. I am going to really try to pray tomorrow morning. I will for sure pray today before work at 12:47pm. I hope today is a little more eventful.

I am excited to meet Reza Aslan. We are doing a book signing with him tonight. He is a religious scholar and author who is signing at the local library. I bought his older book on Islam called "No God But God: The Origins, the Evolution, and the Future of Islam" to have him sign as a gift for my Muslim friend and I am going to purchase his newest book called "Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth" to have him sign it tonight. I wonder if Reza will be practicing Ramadan too? I look forward to meeting him later this evening.

Prayed at 12:52pm. Almost forgot. I did a full proper prayer taking about 18 minutes. I made personal prayer requests for my family, my girlfriend and her family, and the poor. During prayer I thought to myself how being an atheist is sort of sad in a way. All the rituals of prayer and devotion are not available to us, unless I make this a habit I suppose. I began to long for the "spiritual part" inside too. Not the religions own this, but I just kept saying, "Allah, what is THAT?" What is that "mystical spirit" we all sense inside of us? Just chemicals? If I were a deist I would be OK with that in some regards, because the supernatural claims, miracles and revelations of all the world's religions I disregard because there is no evidence for these things. I also can't get on board with this interventionist god who has a son or reaches down to cause tsunamis to punish everyone for the sins of homosexuality. I can't be a Mormon, a Christian, a Jew, a Muslim in this regard. I just don't believe all these things. By the evidence I am forced to be an atheist.

But what of this "spirituality" I sense inside? Is it what it means to be homo sapeins? To be spiritual? To seek something beyond the natural world. To seek some experience that transcends us into another level of consciousness - (whatever that means). Drugs help of course. Depriving yourself of food and water is the drug-free way of getting to that "higher" level. With searing concentration and stillness, while being so aware of ones own breathing, it is possible to get there too. If you meditate you can get high. I've heard and read stories, though never tried it for myself. While I was attending the Bible college, I spent hours in a small chapel on my knees praying so hard, tears flowing from my eyes. I felt like I had transcended this mortal level and was talking with God. These "spiritual" experiences are real, but they are all rooted in the workings of the brain. Not to deflate this so quickly with some neuroscience, but it's true. However, my question is -- Is tapping into these "spiritual" experiences something human beings MUST do to be healthy? Does our brain need to "go there" from time to time to brush out the cobwebs, so to speak? This fast paced, consumer-driven world we live in now is maddening and it may be evolutionarily necessary for us humans to experience this "spiritual" experience from time to time, if nothing else for a break for the rat race.

Arrived at the local library for Reza Aslan's book signing with my coworker around 6pm. We set up the table with his newest book. I was able to go listen to him speak. If you have never heard Reza speak before you should really do yourself a favor and at least watch a youtube talk of his. He is a very engaging speaker, almost as talented as he is as a writer. Reza told the story of Jesus and I was fascinated. All my life I have been taught the religious side of Jesus. The Christ side. Reza was explaining the zealot side of Jesus of Nazareth. He was simply a zealot. He mentioned his miracles were nothing special, just as his claims of being a Messiah were not as well. Many people in ancient Palestine were not only miracle workers (except Jesus would heal you for free -- what a socialist!) but also messiahs. Being a messiah back then was really sort of an average career choice. Under the Roman occupation Jews were popping up left and right claiming to be the Messiah that the Torah spoke about.

Reza also mentioned that crucifixion was happening all over the place in the Roman Empire. He described it as sort of the lazy torturers' way to execute someone - it was cheap and inexpensive as you would just let them rot in the sun. I laughed out loud when he said this, but I was alone in thinking that was funny. Oh well.

After the Q and A segment I rejoined my coworker at the table with his books as we were rushed with more people purchasing it. As the line thinned down I grabbed my copy of his newest book and his older book to be signed by Reza for my Muslim friend I have been speaking of in these blog entries. Reza was the nicest man ever, engaging, and fun to talk to. We laughed, took a picture together and he personalized both books I gave him. We didn't talk about me being an atheist or him being a Muslim or even me being an atheist becoming a practicing Muslim for Ramadan. It was like we didn't really need to. It was almost like these labels and these sorts of things aren't as important as a just being friendly and enjoying a good laugh, but isn't that really the truth about life? I had barely noticed it was well after Maghrib. I broke fast with a granola bar. I ate Cane's chicken on my way back to the store and a large salad once I got back home. Today was a wonderful day and the fastest time had ever went by during my fast. I wasn't as hungry as I had been in previous days either. I have another long offsite book signing event tomorrow. I will have to take some food to break fast with unless there is food at the event. I look forward to it.

Day 14 (Tuesday)

This is the last day of the 2nd week of Ramadan. It is exactly halfway through. However, I get a break. I will be traveling to visit a friend and will be gone for 4 full days. It is unlawful, as my Muslim friend explained, to fast while traveling. I will take my 4 day hiatus from Ramadan during this trip. Thus my next blog entry will be quite short, only consisting of Wednesday (Day 15) and Tuesday (Day 21). I'm not completely sure how I will handle writing it, but some small blog entry for week 3 will emerge out of it.

I skipped prayer AGAIN! I cannot believe this! I am going to force myself to do fajr tomorrow since it will be the last time in a long time I will be doing a morning prayer. I also didn't eat today. That doesn't happen to often, but I just slept til 10am again. I plan on praying for midday prayer. I'll write more later...

I missed prayer completely at 12:47pm. It totally skipped my mind and when I realized it I didn't have enough time since I was still late for getting ready for work. I didn't pray all day. This is a travesty for Ramadan. I am loosing steam. This four day vacation couldn't come soon enough. I am feeling burnt out on this whole thing. I cheated again with cream and sugar filled coffee from McDonalds on my way to work. I am going to an offsite tonight to sell Oscar Goodman's book. They are doing a roast of him. So just as my first day of Ramadan began (selling Oscar Goodman books) it will wrap up midway through.

There was this customer with her long bony fingers, her white scraggly hair, her old Skeletor disposition that really caught me off guard. She requested to speak with a store manager as the bookseller that was helping her was "incompetent". Right. I walked into this blindsided and listened patiently to her ramble on demanding we carry some green-ish colored anti-Muslim book written by Jimmy Swaggart that he mentioned on his televangelist show the other day. I couldn't find a single bit of information online about any new book by Jimmy Swaggart, let alone a "green-ish" one. I just finished reading about Jimmy Swaggart, as he was the Assemblies of God pastor who led once-pastor, now-atheist Jerry DeWitt to the Lord. He had all kinds of prostitution scandals many years back but obviously wasn't done with his ministry. I finally found this anti-Muslim greenish book, but of course it wasn't by Swaggart at all but by some other random person. The book was from some small printing company and cost way to much of course, but she had me order it anyways. I wanted to let her know that this person standing in front of you find this ignorant book is  basically her worst nightmare. I'm an atheist (yes mam, I don't believe in God at all!) who is practicing the Muslim rituals (You know mam, those brown colored evil-doers who aren't American Christian enough for your xenophobic bony ass!) But I didn't.

I was extremely weak and obviously irritable heading into the homestretch of 7pm-8pm. I sat back in our offices with my head on the desk waiting to eat at 8pm. This unfortunately is when I was supposed to go to this offsite to sell the books with my coworker. I shoved down a delicious chicken salad bagel sandwich on the way there. It really hit the spot and satisfied me. I was in for a long night. This event was at the Stratosphere and it was like a washed-up, has-been freak show. I was sending picture texts all night to my girlfriend and other friends. Abraham Lincoln, Elivis, Liberachi, Robocop?, the Rat Pack, the "Fat Pack", a fake drunk showgirl, and Heidi Harris - just to name a few of the "celebrities" at this event. I once again felt like I landed smack dab in the middle of the movie "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas". However, this time was different. Instead of a room full of Tea Party, white Republican-types, the people really did look like "caricatures of used car salesmen" or some other Vegas freaks described in Hunter S. Thompson's book. I kept thinking, as a fake Joe Pesci and Robert De Niro walked by, "Do these people ever just stop impersonating? Like when do they just say OK .. I can finally stop being Dean Martin now? Maybe they NEVER stop! Even at home. Hmmm."

This place was weird and unlike the first Oscar Goodman book signing, I wasn't deprived of food or else on the natural high that is fasting all day it would have been almost too much to handle. The roast was absurd (and mostly not funny at all) but the benefits all went to charity so that's good. I'm sure this is what the Qu'ran is talking about when during Ramadan you are supposed to give to charity - go to a comedy roast of the ex-mayor of Las Vegas. The night ended so late (2am) that I didn't make it into bed until almost three in the morning. My determination to wake up for fajr did not come to fruition as, once again, I slept through my alarm.

I give up...

Day 15 of Ramadan started once again without eating and without morning prayer. Time to take a much needed break from Ramadan... I'm just about ready to going back to being a regular atheist now.

Ramadan week 3 coming soon...

2 Blog Shorts: The Story of Doubting Thomas and the Problem of Hell

1. The Story of Doubting Thomas

John 20:24-29

24 But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came.
25 The other disciples therefore said unto him, We have seen the Lord. But he said unto them, Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe.
26 And after eight days again his disciples were within, and Thomas with them: then came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, Peace be unto you.
27 Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing.
28 And Thomas answered and said unto him, My Lord and my God.
29 Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.

A friend of mine once pointed out this passage of the Bible to me. Why was Thomas rewarded with special treatment in the realm of evidence to the resurrected Jesus? This last verse of course sums up the false notion that blind faith is a virtue unlike what it actually is - accepting something without sufficient evidence. Think about this: Thomas required physical evidence that Jesus had risen from the dead (nail holes left in his hand and spear hole in his side). So isn't this unfair? Why was the Son of God giving special treatment to one man in human history? The rest of human kind, thousands of years later, are forced by an omniscient God to take the claim that Jesus is the resurrected Lord and Savior on blind faith... at the very least (they were not there to feel the holes in Jesus' hand and side as Thomas was) But that was then I suppose, and this is now. How convenient to say, "God works in mysterious ways" these days. He doesn't work miracles quite like he did in the days of the Bible. Where's the fire from heaven like the story of Baal vs. Yahweh in the Old Testament? God doesn't work so openly these days.

All I know is it seems drastically unfair to set up a set of rules for one human being (Thomas) and another for the rest of humanity thousands of years later. If one is to come to Christianity by evidence (as Christian writer Lee Strobel suggests is possible) then the game is rigged, clearly. Some may say it is a combination of both the head and the heart that leads you to a "saving knowledge" of Jesus Christ. However if the head is involved that means evidence and the game is rigged. Thomas gets his evidence, the rest of us have to take the gospel writers' word for it. So what's left? Faith ... the heart part. Jesus and you FEEL like best friends now that you accepted him into your heart. Subjective experience is all fine and dandy but it means nothing in way of evidence and good luck convincing me that the Muslim, Scientologist, or Satan worshiper doesn't also "feel" something when they pray or have special revelations here and there just as Jesus gave you as a Christian. So it's all about the heart and it's all about faith which of course is personal thus useless in getting at objective Truth.

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This brings me to my second problem with Christian logic: 

2. The Problem of Hell

I was taught as a small child that if I didn't get saved by Jesus I was going to burn for all eternity in the Lake of Fire. This is probably the cause of my 75 conversions growing up. With every scary "End Times" rapture video or scary hellfire and brimstone revival sermon I walked away with a fresh new "just in case" salvation experience. Scare tactics works in people, especially small children. I would have nightmares of not actually being "saved" and God at the judgement gate saying "Go away from me, I never knew you." and casting me into Hell. I can picture the demons now grabbing at my legs as I start to burn. I remember Sunday school teachers telling me as a child that the hell in fire was the hottest of fire. It was a white fire. A fire that never was quenched.

In Luke 16 we see a story of the rich man and Lazarus. If you read this story you see that the rich man's sins are simply for being rich. A topic constantly brought up in the New Testament by Jesus that somehow has escaped the most faithful Christian Republicans in this country. Tax cuts on the rich?! Heavens, no! What a terrible evil, liberal thing to consider! ... So just for being rich and letting a beggar like Lazarus eat crumbs as they fell from his table the rich man in this story is tortured forever in Hades. He begs Abraham, who is in heaven next to Lazarus, to have Lazarus dip his finger in water and drop it on his tongue; this way he may, for just an instant, be relieved from the agony of burning forever. Abraham gives all kinds of excuses.  Due to the crazy impenetrable barrier between them he is unable too. The rich man begs Abraham to send Lazarus back to warn his brothers about this terrible Lake of Fire so that they will be saved. Abraham argues that they don't need a zombie to warn them Moses and the prophets are clearly enough to convince anyone out there (except doubting Thomas of course) to live a righteous life (which apparently means be poor?)

Ignoring the absurdity that there is oxygen in heaven (water) and in hell (fire), ignoring the fact that any "benevolent" God who would send his creation to eternal fire is clearly psychotic (the punishment being quite excessive), and ignoring the fact that no one in their right mind would EVER choose this eternal torment, we don't need to reason much further. The evidence of course is completely non-existent when it comes to hell, but furthermore it's insulting to think that some of my friends expect me to burn forever and aren't doing anything about it. Some in fact would rather not talk about religion while they apparently believe that I will burn forever as an atheist. These people are simply not dogmatic about hell. They will say they are, but they aren't. Or else they don't actually love me or think of me as a friend. Can there be any other way around this?

Thinking that no one would ever choose to go to hell we arrive at the problem of hell to begin with. It's the oldest trick in the book. It's merely a bit of ancient folklore to scare society into servitude. Servitude towards the Jewish God, Yahweh. When you think of it that way, it seems almost ridiculous that I would need to blog about something so archaic and nonsensical in 2013. Why would God set up the rules like this? And why on earth would God be so vague about this Lake of Fire? Can we really arrive at any other conclusion other than that God is sick and likes to mess with our heads? Why did God put those fossil bones that show the earth is billions of years old and humans are just another species of ape that evolved like every other living creature? He did it because he is apparently some trickster God (as Bill Hicks has said). He likes to play these mind games with his creation. The truth of the Christian God is contrary to evidence. Good luck! He's fucking with our heads trying to throw us off the correct path of his Holy Book. So God gives us zero evidence of hell, while tribe people are born in the heart of the South American jungle who will live and die without hearing about hell? Why so allusive with something so goddamn important -- such as eternal burning in a fucking lake of fire?!

Oh I know why...

It's all made up. That includes: Hell, God, Heaven, Lazarus, the Bible. ALL of it!

An Atheist Observes Ramadan: Week 1

Introduction:

I was instructed by fellow Muslim friends in the U.S. to start fasting for Ramadan on Wednesday, July 10th. I read that day that most Muslims in America started on Tuesday. I think the disagreement stems from when the crescent moon is visible in the night sky. More information on the controversy is better discussed here:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/09/ramadan-start-date_n_3566129.html

Ramadan is broken down like this: 

Fajr is the first of the five daily prayer. A meal is prepared and eaten before the prayer and before sunrise. The first day Fajr began at 4:06am. Dhuhr is the midday prayer that is silent and starts at 12:46pm, Asr, which is the afternoon prayer that is also silent and offered up at 4:36pm on the first day, Maghrib at 8:00pm, which is the prayer before breaking the fast. It was also customary to break the fast as Muhammad did with eating 3 dates. The final prayer which was the hardest for me for some reason was Isha at 9:27pm. 

I was reading about the Fajr prayer and was fascinated by the beauty (without it hinging on any actual truth, just more so poetic) that Allah favored this prayer the most because it was a more personal prayer due to the fact that everyone else was sleeping. Only the diligent practicing Muslims were getting God's prime attention in these hours. In some way it struck me as sort of intimate and beautiful.

Day 1 (Wednesday)

I set my alarm Tuesday night for 3:45am Wednesday morning. I barely had time to eat a peanut butter and honey sandwich and chug a bottle of water before prayer. As I would learn peanut butter was a bad choice (it was stuck in my throat a good portion of the morning without being able to drink water to wash it down.) It felt like a race against time to eat before 4:06am. I was so terrified to pray again. It had been so long since I had done such a thing. Of course this time it was to Allah instead of Yahweh. I was nervous even though this was completely private. I washed up and spread the towel (my prayer mat) on the floor, opened up the laptop for reference, and recited this prayer just in the nick of time :

By the light of day, and by the dark of night, your Lord has not forsaken you, nor does He abhor you. The life to come holds a richer prize for you than this present life. You shall be gratified with what your Lord will give you.

Did He not find you an orphan and give you shelter?

Did He not find you in error and guide you?

Did He not find you poor and enrich you?

Therefore do not wrong the orphan, nor chide away the beggar. But proclaim the goodness of your Lord.

I recited it over and over really grasping the meaning as I went along. I praised Allah multiple times then fell on my face towards the Qibla. Then that was it. It only lasted 10-15 min. I sat in silence for the last 5 min. face to the ground. I’m sure I did something wrong here (I didn't do my homework on how Muslims pray, obviously), but I feel like this whole month will be a learning process of what to do and not do. I will do my best to follow all the rules. After researching a little more I see there are specific orders and jestures for praying. I didn’t follow these orders. I will in the next prayer and from now on. This was fajr, next up Dhuhr (midday prayer). I’m not sure how I’m supposed to pray at work. I guess I’ll find out soon enough.

I’ve already broken rules. I cussed twice. I looked at a woman's body on TV for 2 seconds (but it wasn’t really out of lust just out of biologic instinct) I caught myself and stopped.  The one very good thing about Ramadan is it forces you pay attention to your life. I really like the fact that you notice what you do. I’m not so sure I buy the censoring yourself bit of it, but I do think that being more aware of what you say, what you think, what you do is overall a good thing. It brings searing personal clarity in this rat race world.

The Duhuhr prayer went much more smoothly with this guide I found online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7MbKmTCNSU 

Of course I messed up on some details on which way to angel your feet and my scoliosis is problematic when I go into ruku. I did mess up and drop and F-bomb in frustration, which I instantly noticed and asked for forgiveness for (is that strictly a Catholic thing though?). So far refraining from cussing has been the hardest for me. I thoroughly enjoyed the peaceful prayer time. I think it’s important in meditation and prayer to truly “let go” of everything. You must free yourself of your thoughts, your anxiety, your upcoming schedule at work, and just be in "the moment". In many ways this is a beautiful thing about Islam. It teaches you to stop and pray. It commands that you stop your busy life and take a minute to just sit and focus. It’s as if the specific details of prayer and the specific times help discipline you. Is this the good of religion? Are we a species of apes that need routine and discipline to live a healthier life (even as adults)? Maybe.

I think in my life I am one of those humans that could really benefit from religion. That sounds really strange to say, but what I mean is my life has been so aimless and so disjointed in the last 10 years. I had no direction, no goal as far as career path or overall life decisions. I’m just taking up space and deepening my carbon footprint. In some odd way its what atheists like me lack. We need a lifeline, a grid to fall into to live a more successful life. I suppose that lifeline can be filled with a career path or humanitarian work, but I can see how religion can suck you in. It’s arms are open wide and accepting of anyone. And it's easy. You don't need to be a specialist to partake in it. That's why atheists desperately need companionship and solidarity, working together in their local communities in groups. I read that ex-pastor Jerry Dewitt was starting a church for atheists. Not that they would worship science or whatever but that they were get together for fellowship.

There is something very humanizing about participating in strict religious rituals such as Ramadan. You sort of get this overwhelming realization that we are all just humans. Having some knowledge of the sciences of cosmology, geology, and biology you tend to always pull back to see the big picture: we are just a species of ape on this insignificant planet, of which is billions of years old, the cosmos is deeply older, and so on. So when you see these Muslims praying, fasting, and connecting to the poor and reflecting on Allah you see those like myself that are atheists who aren't Muslim or Mormon or Christian or Jew or Scientologists, you see we're all the same. You see the connection: who knows who is right. I may be wrong – there may actually be a God of some kind (that God may very well be Allah), but the one thing we all know is that we are human beings. And we are all just working things out each in our own way. In this regard I have been knocked off my pedastal of looking down on the religious people with their delusions of god and am beginning to see we are all on the same level. No one is better than anyone else here. Life is internal. The big questions are subjective and we all have to grapple how we deal with these questions til we die and turn back into stardust eventually.

I made it through the day. I didn’t think I would. Either the lack of caffeine or lack of food or combo of both led me to one of the worst migraines I’ve ever had. I was doing an offsite book signing, sitting next to my fellow worker selling Oscar Goodman’s book, who was sitting next to Dinesh D'Souza who was also signing his new book, when I began to feel very light headed and nauseous. I was at this event in Vegas called "Freedomfest" full of Tea Party types. Let's just say these weren't really my people. I got up in a daze trying to go get some water (the rule I have broken here and there when absolutely necessary). This was around 7:30pm. 30 min to go. It was somewhat of a nightmare aimlessly feeling my way around a room full of white Republicans (minus Dinesh). I felt like I was in the movie "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" tripping on acid as I stumbled among these reptiles. I finally got water from the bartender. This helped as I was very close to passing out. To break fast I unwisely chose to eat a burger which made me want to throw up. I only ate half of it and ate later on that night soup and chicken once my stomach settled.

In those moments of terror where the headache was so bad I could barely walk I remember vividly missing moderate Christianity. I missed my old comfortable Middle America, white moderate religion where Jesus was just alright and he would help you find your car keys. I missed being comfortable and natural as I twisted reality to match my Holy Book's teachings. I really began to hate Islam in those moments (as if it was forcing me to do this.) I time-traveled back to when I was younger and despised a religion I knew nothing about. That was a religion practiced by non-whites over in some place that wasn't America. Eww. The fast came to an end I prayed and went to bed.

Day 2 (Thursday)

Woke up on time. Had a very successful prayer after a small meal went back to bed. I found a helpful instructional video online that uses some computerized green Muslim showing step by step the motions you must go through when praying as I mentioned earlier. The prayer (salah) I recite every morning is in two parts. The first part is as follows:

In the name of Allah, the most Beneficial, most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds. The Beneficient, the Merciful. Master of the Day of Judgment. You alone we worship and to You alone we turn for help. Guide us to the Straight Path. The path of those whom You favored. Not of those who earned Your anger. Nor of those who went astray.

In the name of Allah the most Beneficient, most Merciful.  He is Allah. The One (Unique). Allah, the Independent upon whom all depend; He fathers not, nor is He fathered; And there for Him is none alike.

I start with hands raised, palms facing the Qibla (northeast-ish)

I place my right hand over my left just over bellybutton and with three fingers shown. Then recite salah.

I go into ruku (which is a bent position with hands on knees)

Then sujood. (which is knees first, nose then forehead, palms on ground in a bowing position, feet have toes pointed out towards the Qibla.)

Then sit on the floor with right foot straight, left foot bent to the side. then another sujood then up again to recite the last surah.

In the name of Allah, the most Beneficient, most Merciful. I seek refuge with the Lord of Dawn. From the mischief of created things; From the mischief of Darkness as it overspreads; From the mischief of those who blow knots (practice witchcraft); And from the mischief of the envious one as he practices envy. 

Then repeat...

The index finger is pointed forward, then I turn my head to right then to left and then I'm allowed to ask Allah whatever I wish in prayer requests.

Today was drastically more tolerable than yesterday. I did not break fast, however on my way to work since I was traveling I did stop for a cup of black iced coffee to combat the migraine I knew was coming since I hadn’t eaten all day. It worked miracles. I felt great all day.

-- This is the one thing I apparently couldn't give up since it helped combat migraines. I know this is cheating but it is something that I had to do to help me function without pain all day. I would never put anything in coffee (no milk or sugar).--

Around 7pm I began to get pretty weak but I did eat after prayer, thanking Allah for the meal. I ate plums, oranges, banana, and apricot while easing myself into an actual meal of a burrito with black bean dip from Trader Joes. I learned my lesson from yesterday by not eating too much too quickly. I did stop for a burger on the way home at In & Out too. I just had to, alright, don't judge me! I also stopped for a 24 oz beer, I don’t know if this is against the rules of Ramadan. (Of course I know it is -- since practicing Muslims never drink anyways). I always feel like after 8pm you are allowed to do whatever, except cuss, sexual relations, etc. but maybe that’s not the case. Maybe tomorrow I will do better. It's day two and I have already cheated.

Day 3 (Friday)

Cheated this time once again. I'm drastically failing at Ramadan. I would make a horrible Muslim. I drank water without driving. I also stopped for coffee on the way to work, though it was black with no cream or sugar it helped combat the headache that was sure to follow a day of not eating. Overall this has been absolutely liberating. It feels weird to know that I could actually get used to not eating anything all day long. I didn’t pray today except in the morning and night, it is very difficult to pray at work since it involves the prayer mat, etc. I came back to a beautiful spread of food to break my fast around 8:45pm tonight at my friend's house. Hummus, dates, cucumbers, tomatoes and cheese, baba ghanoush, rice, bread, and peppermint tea. Also various deserts that were all so delicious. Today was one of the best days I’ve experirence with Ramadan. I discussed with my Muslim friend taking food to homeless this Sunday when I am off work to do more charity work. My atheist friend and I are planning on breaking fast together tomorrow (magrid) around 8pm. I look forward to Day 4.

Day 4 (Saturday)

This day began horribly. The Envious One made me oversleep. I woke up at 5am. My alarm didn’t go off for some reason, and I was barely able to pray without eating before sunrise. Little did I know this was only the beginning of my going astray and slipping away from some of the core rules during Ramadan. For the last few days I was unable to pray at the other times. However, I did what I could to make up for it. Each day becomes easier to not eat. Even at work. In fasting it’s sort of this state of tranquil bliss one experiences life through this hazy lens. I love it. It really is like being on a drug. And I am sort of becoming used to it quickly. However, around 6pm when I got off work I was ready to eat. I met up with my atheist friend to grocery shop for breaking our fast. It was his first day of the fast and he was experiencing it just as roughly as I was on my first day.

We grabbed some groceries from Whole Foods and Smith’s. We stumbled around all weak and tired at the stores. We went back to his place to prepare the meal. It was an all raw meal. We prepared veggies with baba ghanoush, cucumbers, broccoli, cauliflower, peppers, tomatoes and nan with falafel. It was very delicious. We broke our fast with organic dates, and after we ate we enjoyed tea and homemade vanilla bean, honey ice cream. My friend and I had a good time discussing all sorts of different subjects. This was one of my favorite Ramadan days ... until nighttime. I met up with a friend and we both did something no strict Muslim does, drank beer. We had a couple of beers (a gift from my manager at my job) and I stayed up way too late. So late in fact I completely missed fajr.

Day 5 (Sunday)

I woke today with a mild hangover from just a couple beers since I don't drink often, which required water and a large helping of guilt for missing morning prayer. I slept through it all. I participated in the midday prayer at 12:46pm since I was off work and able to. I spoke with my Muslim friend who mentioned our ideas of charity work may be better served if we donate money to Red Cross (as they seem to be the only major charity organization that doesn’t pay their presidents and CEOs big money). He also let me know that most of the charity work is done near the end of Ramadan so we can go around giving out bottled water and food to homeless then. I still may start my charity work earlier, but I agreed to focus more on doing it during the end of Ramadan. My friend was going to store to get food to prepare a healthy meal to break fast tonight at 8pm.

So far I’ve changed my attitude about how much I really need food during the day and how much I pointlessly consume. In this regard Ramadan has given me power over my own urges. Ramadan was supposed to teach me that I am much more than merely an animal, with these typical animal urges. Unlike the savages from other species we can control our sexual urges or other "immoral thoughts" and keep them at bay. Of course this is all for Allah’s sake, not simply to make society civil and keep sexually violent crimes down. Whatever works, right? I have to wonder what else Ramadan will teach me, since it seems it has not stopped me from cussing. It also hasn’t kept me praying consistently or stopped me from drinking alcohol. I haven’t done any charity work yet, and when I did finally eat, at least in my first few days, I gorged on junk food, which is counterproductive of the fast in the first place.

I also haven’t felt anything when I’ve prayed. Maybe I am doing it wrong or I'm not giving it the focus it deserves. However I did pray to have a completely peaceful uneventful day at work with no crazy incidences and that came true so does Allah answer prayers? Did Yahweh help me find my car keys as a teenager? Need I reiterate that I am an atheist and I don’t believe in this, but in some ways I wish I could “feel something” devout when I pray as the faithful do. I want to be swept up in the spirit of Islam to see what all this is about. I don’t want to feel like I’m just following an online instructional video with a little green Muslim guy each time I pray. Which is precisely what I’m doing so far. Maybe Islam will teach me something after all, but I have to say so far not much going on in my heart or head, just in my stomach.

Day 6 (Monday)

This was one of the most successful days of Ramadan for me. I ate a proper meal for fajr. I ate all kinds of fruits and rice pudding with honey. It was delicious. I went back to bed and woke up fairly late. I noticed that when I can sleep in I do sleep in since it’s easier to deal with fasting when you are sleeping the day away. Since I ate so much in the morning it actually made me much more hungry all day long, but I survived and for the first time prayed all five prayers required for Muslims. Even at work I was able to sneak away on my break and do a quick prayer. I had a thought though, in the midday prayer while I was reciting the usual prayer,

In the name of Allah the most Beneficient, most Merciful.  He is Allah. The One (Unique). Allah, the Independent upon whom all depend; He fathers not, nor is He fathered; And there for Him is none alike.”

In the Bible (Exodus 34:14) we see Yahweh is a jealous God; it seems Allah is no different. My skepticism kicked in right in the middle of praying this. This whole idea seems so outdated. It made since in days when religion was the only game in town. There was no such thing as science. There were no atheists then. So various religions faced serious competition from other religions. No one is worshiping multiple gods these days either. The main thing I’ve noticed about the Qu’ran as I’ve read it so far (I’m only a few hundred pages into it at the moment) is that Islam is constantly trying to separate itself from other religions. “He fathers not, nor is he fathered.” – Islam is not Christianity. In the free market of selling religion back when Islam was really young it was important to talk down the competition.  It is a market strategy to distance oneself from the competitor - (AKA: Judaism or Christianity.) It all seems so man-made, derived, and so dated. It actually made me sad to realize this. Especially during prayer.

It also made me realize my privileged position in time, in racial, class, gender status in this country. I am an atheist simply because I have had the freedom to question, I have had the freedom to educate myself. Had I been born in a different time period, in a different country or as a different gender or race I may not be so lucky. I do consider myself lucky to be free as I am here in America in this time period. I have the privileged advantage of sitting back and looking at human history and it's long littered past of religions (dead and alive) and pick and chose what makes sense per my own reasoning and logic. I am not devoid of perspective. I try to constantly remind myself of my status in life. 

After work I broke my fast in the most American way possible – I ate at a big fat juicy burger once again. I came home and ate a salad as well. This day was a success. I packed a small breakfast of dates, bananas, and rice pudding again to take up to my room to eat for fajr. Today my Muslim friend jokingly said I think I am going to take you to the Mosque at the end of Ramadan and everyone there will love you for observing this old Muslim tradition. I simply don't look like a typical Muslim. I thought to myself that due to the fact that I am a white person, an American from the Midwest originally, with brown hair and blue eyes, that I would be welcomed as an ally for this often demonized religion in this country. That thought made me smile. I have mixed feelings about this notion of so called "Islamophobia" in so much that it's not the people (Muslims) anti-theist are combating in the war of ideas but the doctrine of Islam. However, in this country we profile people and it's unfortunately. Just as we do with Hispanics in the border states or African Americans nearly everywhere, we do the same with Muslims in the long wake after 9/11. Some of the most loving people I know are practicing Muslims. I would trust my life to these beautiful, kind, loving, caring people. I remembered what I said earlier, it all goes back to us simply being a species of apes just trying work things out in our heads all the time.

Day 7 (Tuesday)

This is it. This is day 7 for me, day 8 for some. I woke today without a hitch, had my breakfast, and also had a great morning prayer before sunrise. I prayed again for Dhuhr just before 1pm. I went to work as usual in the afternoon. I thought not eating all day would make me irritable. In the past I have become a monster to people I'm around if I haven't eaten in a long while. Working in a retail environment just magnifies the problem since it seems 99% of the customers that come in are morons and never know what they actually want. I was pleasantly surprised to notice that instead of making me angry towards my fellow human beings, fasting brought about a certain love for people. I know that sounds cheesy but it is true. In my hunger-fueled daze I became more compassionate and move interested in helping people.

One example: Tonight I helped a woman who was basically dying of cancer. She had lymphoma and was in our store just after a chemo treatment. She was constantly apologizing for not being able to talk well and express a clear thought. She was looking for anti-cancer cookbooks and other such helpful healthy books. I spent so much time talking with her about her life and I kept making her laugh. She loved me, she told me after I ordered several books for her. She found me engaging and fun to be around and after our exchange it hit me. It felt like a shot of adrenaline mixed with some euphoric drug high that I have never experienced on any drug. It was noticeably physical (chills, hair standing on end, elation - like I was almost coming out of my body.) It was as if the routinely "feel good about yourself" feeling you experience after helping others was magnified by my fasting and I felt like I jumped up a level in life. I felt transcended in that moment where I had to grab a hold of a nearby table to anchor myself in my weak state. That was an experience I will never forget and it's becoming extremely clear to me now that Ramadan is beginning to be a very positive experience in my life.

I prayed at work again, broke fast at 8pm with a few dates, then burrito and rice pudding. I ate a few walnuts as well. However, again went out with friends and had a few beers. The hardest part apparently I have with trying to emulate a Muslim during Ramadan is not drinking beer (and of course coffee and water). Even though the night went a little south off the path of a practicing Muslim the day was well worth my signing up for this ritual. I am now used to not eating until sundown. I went to bed satisfied about my experiences during my first week of Ramadan.

Week two coming soon ...