An Atheist Observes Ramadan: Week 2

Day 8 (Wednesday)

I was informed last night that my atheist friend who was going to join me in Ramadan and blogging about his experience is not on board anymore. He has too much on his plate (not like literally) with writing samples for grad school and other such secular concerns. He obviously will not be blogging about this now. So please ignore my introduction. I'm alone in my Islamic endeavor here. So Day 8. This was the second time now I overslept through the morning prayer. Clearly alcohol and going to bed at 2am is causing me to wake up too late. I briefly considered praying while still buzzed from a couple beers and that seemed worse than not praying at all, so I chose to sleep through fajr. I am confident that this won’t happen as much going forward as I will be much more diligent in my next few weeks in not consuming alcohol before I go to bed.

I woke up today and put the finishing touches on the blog for the first week. I sat at the local library as I rehashed some of my week. Most of my experiences are coming in first person as a journal or diary from day to day. I had a great time in midday prayer at 12:47pm today. It was personal and focused. With each prayer I am noticing more focus and clarity. I pay attention more to what I’m saying. Even if I don’t necessarily believe or agree with everything I’m saying. It has become second nature. It’s just a routine now. I’m an atheist that prays. Whatever.

So today was the first day of Ramadan that I have drank coffee twice. I usually feel justified when I drink coffee or even water because I’m technically “traveling” by driving to work or somewhere. The rules of Ramadan allow you to break your fast if you are traveling. I didn’t take this loophole to the extreme and shove food down my throat as I drove around, but I felt if I’m going to cheat that I might as well do it in the Ramadan grey area. Today, as I write this, I’m enjoying an ice cold cup of black coffee. This is the first time I’ve drank coffee without traveling. My morals are loose. Maybe you have heard of this new "Atheism+" well this is "Ramadan+". It's Ramadan plus a lot of coffee.

No?

I had a great breaking of my fast. My Muslim friend served us delicious lamb shank with rice, lima beans, and yogurt. For dessert we had rice pudding with rose pedal jam. Which I'm not sure if you've ever tasted anything "rose-flavored" but if not you are missing out. Rose water is amazing, by the way, and this jam was the best jam I've ever had in my life. Try also Persian ice cream made with rose water. Dear Allah it's ridiculously delicious! It's unbelievable what this creamy, flower flavored ice cream does to your taste buds. Anyways, after I ate we enjoyed some mint and basil tea. For some reason it made my stomach cramp up and I felt very nauseous afterwards. This subsided after a about thirty minutes or so. I stayed up very late reading the book Denial: Self-Deception, False Beliefs, and the Origins of the Human Mind by Ajik Varki. It was so fascinating I couldn't put it down. I highly recommend giving it a read when you are done with "50 Shades of Grey".

Day 9 (Thursday)

Due to my late night reading marathon I hit the snooze button on my alarm at 3:45am and finally woke up just in time to shove down some walnuts, dates, and an orange just before sunrise. I did the most ridiculously condensed version of the morning prayer. I didn't recite everything fully and I skipped a round, only doing ruku and sujood once, then crawled back into bed. It's always been difficult to fall back asleep after eating, but finally I was able to. 

I had a meeting for my work at 11am so I went to that. After my meeting I drove to Starbucks to write and drink (once again ignoring even the loophole of "traveling" while drinking) something I haven't drank yet. Up until this point I have cheated in Ramadan by drinking water and black coffee only. Well, today for the first time I consumed unsweetened black iced tea. I payed the price too because it made my stomach ache for a good hour. When I was leaving Starbucks I was able to participate in the my first charity work in the most pathetic lame way possible. A teenager was sitting outside asking people leaving for money. I looked in my wallet and only had $1. I gave it to him. Since it's specifically what he asked for at least I gave him what he wanted. "May Allah bless me extra now" I thought as I got in my car to drove away. 

I never prayed again today which is the first time I've really sort of brushed off doing a proper prayer. I felt like I was slipping even further out of the good graces of Allah. I broke fast with a Jimmy Johns veggie sandwich. The rest of the night was uneventful and I once again I stayed up too late watching television. I hope tomorrow will be a better Ramadan day. Today was a little lame.

Day 10 (Friday)

Woke up today at 4:05am to eat a small breakfast of my usual fruits and this time added a handful of crackers too. I prayed a very concentrated proper prayer specifically to make up for yesterdays waste of a prayer day. I had to work at 10am today. As keeping with my new trend of bending some Ramadan rule each day, today was the first day I ordered coffee on the way to work WITH cream and sugar. Not really doing the road less traveled here. I arrived at work and had a great day. Unfortunately there was an issue with the closing manager at work not being able to make it in. I knew about around 4:30pm that I was probably going to have to stay until the store closed at 10pm. So I was staring at a full 12 hour shift with having no way to get food. I say that sort of sarcastically. Of course there are always ways to get food. However, since I was the only manager on duty I was unable to leave the store. My girlfriend first offered to bring me food, but I didn't want her to have to drive all that way just to deliver food so I could break fast at 8pm. Other coworkers were also kind enough to offer, but of course I didn't have any cash on me. If only I hadn't given it to that teenager asking for it. Just kidding. A little Ramadan joke at the expense of the poor.

That's probably not good.

At 8pm I broke fast with some habanero and sour cream flavored pretzel bites as I think Muhammad was witnessed doing once. Of course I'm kidding, and Muslims know how to take a joke when it comes to Muhammad, right? ... Anyways, it was all I could find to sooth my searing hunger. I think this day was the second worst day of Ramadan for me (as far as the suffering part of it goes - of course I say suffering lightly with perspective - I realize that in comparison to the actual starving people all over the world it's nothing). My stomach was growling something fierce and I felt very delusional nearing the 8pm hour. The pretzels did the trick to get me to a proper meal once I was able to leave the store around 10:30pm. I ate a small combination of In and Out burger and Cain's Chicken. Ridiculous, I know. Don't judge me! It was a really long day. Jesus!

Day 11 (Saturday) 

Due to having to work 12 hours yesterday I am off work today. I was initially supposed to go help with a book signing of Jimi Hendrix's brother signing his book at Michael Jackson's old mansion, but unfortunately due to the overtime I couldn't make that happen today. A day off is just as good though. So far not so good as I again stayed up late. Watching this debate between Alex Rosenberg and William Lane Craig:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhfkhq-CM84

It's quite long. Like almost 3 hours long and I started it around midnight. So ... once again I completely slept through fajr. For I think the first time too I didn't eat breakfast. Of course I feel my double meal last night justifies me skipping eating in the morning today. I called my mother and had a wonderful lengthy chat with her about what's happening in our lives, but missed the midday prayer (Dhuhr) completely. So will this be the first official day I don't pray at all? Not even a quick abbreviated version? I hope not. It's currently 2:27pm right now so I have time to make up for it. Maybe at 8pm before I break fast I will be able to. 

Today was great so far too because I had a fun lengthy conversation with my father. As I've mentioned in past blog posts, my father is a devout Christian. He is an evangelical Christian. His denomination is Baptist. He never misses a church service: Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, and any activities in between. He was talking to me today about the last church service he attended. The pastor went up to begin his sermon and suddenly ... all the lights go out. The pastor just stood there for a bit then finally dismissed the congregation. My dad then went on to describe what he thinks the cause of the power outage was. Without so much as batting an eye, in the most serious voice possible, my father tells me that squirrels are always getting into the power breakers and knocking stuff around enough to cut power to the whole church building. I died laughing and he just sat silent on the phone. The fact that he did not even see the smallest amount of humor in this ridiculous story just made me laugh more.

My dad went on to describe how they were overworking him at his job, requiring him to work 12 hour days every day of the week and possibly now weekends. He explained that he prays daily that the God of the Bible will give him the strength to basically not "loose it" as his company appears to be trying to push him out of a job to hire someone that can work for much less an hour. It would appear they are trying to get him to quit or get fired by not working these ridiculous hours. It's a complete cluster that I hope he can combat with the help of his union. Anyways, it got me thinking after I got off the phone. I regret not saying this while I was on the phone too, but I wish I would have said, "Dad, yeah I know what you mean about prayer, I've been praying a lot lately too." Of course we are essentially praying to two completely different gods (well, actually are we?). I am of the impression that my family would likely be more dissatisfied if I become a practicing Muslim over a practicing Atheist (which is what I am -- whatever "practicing" means). So the worse possible combination would be an atheist that is still a "practicing Muslim". Haha! That's ridiculous.

I considered going to Whole Foods and getting a large juice. I used to go here often in the afternoon on my days off to get a Green Gardener smoothie (bananas or blueberries, kale, spinach, oranges, .. etc) but I felt like that would really be cheating since it's essentially "eating" in that I'm taking in nutrients. Ramadan is about not eating. I have noticed something else I want to mention here about fasting:

Fasting gives you this very surreal perception of the power of minimalism. With each thing we consume in our lofty American lives in 2013 we don't really realize the deleterious effects of all this "stuff". If you have never watched the video called "The story of stuff" on YouTube do yourself a favor and check it out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLBE5QAYXp8

It will open your eyes to the actual costs connected to what you buy and consume. There are so many things we don't need we take for granted. Think of all the packaging. Everything you attain is in packages. All this waste all these things are dragging us down and as I notice the power of minimalism as I fast I feel whole. As you get older it may be important to start shedding your "stuff" and honing in on personal things in our life. Think big but live small. It's quite a simple and timeless creed but it's true. When fasting I am fully aware of the control I have of my own consumption and that control gives me what feels like real power. The power over myself. I really like this part about Ramadan. I suggest trying it sometime if you never have before. Take away something from your life to see if you can live without it. It doesn't necessarily have to be food, but it can be. Join me in shedding your extra baggage and living more sustainably and more whole.

After that message on anti-consumption I somehow ended up at McDonalds and I drank coffee WITH cream and sugar. That's great. I have really fallen over the edge now. I am cheating too much with the drinks during Ramadan. I have failed. I'm sitting in McDonalds right now reading (who does that?) This is obviously where parents take their children to burn off their energy in the play area. It is really loud in here. I wonder if any writer has ever just spent a whole day in a McDonalds writing about his observations. I did not break fast with McDonalds, don't worry. I broke it with a delicious meal of baba ganoosh, salad, and a couple Persian desserts. I prayed before I ate the meal at around 7:30pm. It wasn't on strict schedule but I refused to not pray at all today. I had to squeeze at least one prayer in today.

Day 12 (Sunday)

I woke up at 4:30am today. Just barely in time to eat a peanut butter and honey sandwich. No morning prayer again today (I am really slacking on prayer now each morning) which is one of the most important prayers for Muslims. I crawled back into bed and woke up around 10am. I got ready for work. I was scheduled into work at 1pm. On my way to work I stopped by McDonalds again to get another flavored coffee. I keep taking these baby steps, cheating with each day of Ramadan. I got coffee with hazelnut flavoring and cream. Dear Lord.

--- So it seems have I have turned into my theist friend Dan as of late. He has a "theist/coffee themed" blog here: http://www.theolatte.com/ I vowed I would never write a blog about coffee and here I am. What have I become? An atheist practicing Muslim rituals that can't stop going on and on about coffee. ----

Work was very difficult. The hunger was intense. I also wasn't "feeling the love" I felt last week towards customers. I was grumpy and short tempered. It felt all wrong. I finally broke my fast after a short prayer with a subway sandwich. That was one of the best meals I've had. It was satisfying. I went home and shared a bottle of wine with my girlfriend and went to bed. Mostly uneventful day, nothing to report really.

Day 13 (Monday)

Woke up late again. Just enough time to shove down a honey and walnut sandwich and some water. I had a mild headache from the wine, but overall felt OK. It seems to be no longer just the exception to the rule that I miss fajr. I keep missing morning prayer and I'm not so sure why besides just being overly tired and lazy. I am going to really try to pray tomorrow morning. I will for sure pray today before work at 12:47pm. I hope today is a little more eventful.

I am excited to meet Reza Aslan. We are doing a book signing with him tonight. He is a religious scholar and author who is signing at the local library. I bought his older book on Islam called "No God But God: The Origins, the Evolution, and the Future of Islam" to have him sign as a gift for my Muslim friend and I am going to purchase his newest book called "Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth" to have him sign it tonight. I wonder if Reza will be practicing Ramadan too? I look forward to meeting him later this evening.

Prayed at 12:52pm. Almost forgot. I did a full proper prayer taking about 18 minutes. I made personal prayer requests for my family, my girlfriend and her family, and the poor. During prayer I thought to myself how being an atheist is sort of sad in a way. All the rituals of prayer and devotion are not available to us, unless I make this a habit I suppose. I began to long for the "spiritual part" inside too. Not the religions own this, but I just kept saying, "Allah, what is THAT?" What is that "mystical spirit" we all sense inside of us? Just chemicals? If I were a deist I would be OK with that in some regards, because the supernatural claims, miracles and revelations of all the world's religions I disregard because there is no evidence for these things. I also can't get on board with this interventionist god who has a son or reaches down to cause tsunamis to punish everyone for the sins of homosexuality. I can't be a Mormon, a Christian, a Jew, a Muslim in this regard. I just don't believe all these things. By the evidence I am forced to be an atheist.

But what of this "spirituality" I sense inside? Is it what it means to be homo sapeins? To be spiritual? To seek something beyond the natural world. To seek some experience that transcends us into another level of consciousness - (whatever that means). Drugs help of course. Depriving yourself of food and water is the drug-free way of getting to that "higher" level. With searing concentration and stillness, while being so aware of ones own breathing, it is possible to get there too. If you meditate you can get high. I've heard and read stories, though never tried it for myself. While I was attending the Bible college, I spent hours in a small chapel on my knees praying so hard, tears flowing from my eyes. I felt like I had transcended this mortal level and was talking with God. These "spiritual" experiences are real, but they are all rooted in the workings of the brain. Not to deflate this so quickly with some neuroscience, but it's true. However, my question is -- Is tapping into these "spiritual" experiences something human beings MUST do to be healthy? Does our brain need to "go there" from time to time to brush out the cobwebs, so to speak? This fast paced, consumer-driven world we live in now is maddening and it may be evolutionarily necessary for us humans to experience this "spiritual" experience from time to time, if nothing else for a break for the rat race.

Arrived at the local library for Reza Aslan's book signing with my coworker around 6pm. We set up the table with his newest book. I was able to go listen to him speak. If you have never heard Reza speak before you should really do yourself a favor and at least watch a youtube talk of his. He is a very engaging speaker, almost as talented as he is as a writer. Reza told the story of Jesus and I was fascinated. All my life I have been taught the religious side of Jesus. The Christ side. Reza was explaining the zealot side of Jesus of Nazareth. He was simply a zealot. He mentioned his miracles were nothing special, just as his claims of being a Messiah were not as well. Many people in ancient Palestine were not only miracle workers (except Jesus would heal you for free -- what a socialist!) but also messiahs. Being a messiah back then was really sort of an average career choice. Under the Roman occupation Jews were popping up left and right claiming to be the Messiah that the Torah spoke about.

Reza also mentioned that crucifixion was happening all over the place in the Roman Empire. He described it as sort of the lazy torturers' way to execute someone - it was cheap and inexpensive as you would just let them rot in the sun. I laughed out loud when he said this, but I was alone in thinking that was funny. Oh well.

After the Q and A segment I rejoined my coworker at the table with his books as we were rushed with more people purchasing it. As the line thinned down I grabbed my copy of his newest book and his older book to be signed by Reza for my Muslim friend I have been speaking of in these blog entries. Reza was the nicest man ever, engaging, and fun to talk to. We laughed, took a picture together and he personalized both books I gave him. We didn't talk about me being an atheist or him being a Muslim or even me being an atheist becoming a practicing Muslim for Ramadan. It was like we didn't really need to. It was almost like these labels and these sorts of things aren't as important as a just being friendly and enjoying a good laugh, but isn't that really the truth about life? I had barely noticed it was well after Maghrib. I broke fast with a granola bar. I ate Cane's chicken on my way back to the store and a large salad once I got back home. Today was a wonderful day and the fastest time had ever went by during my fast. I wasn't as hungry as I had been in previous days either. I have another long offsite book signing event tomorrow. I will have to take some food to break fast with unless there is food at the event. I look forward to it.

Day 14 (Tuesday)

This is the last day of the 2nd week of Ramadan. It is exactly halfway through. However, I get a break. I will be traveling to visit a friend and will be gone for 4 full days. It is unlawful, as my Muslim friend explained, to fast while traveling. I will take my 4 day hiatus from Ramadan during this trip. Thus my next blog entry will be quite short, only consisting of Wednesday (Day 15) and Tuesday (Day 21). I'm not completely sure how I will handle writing it, but some small blog entry for week 3 will emerge out of it.

I skipped prayer AGAIN! I cannot believe this! I am going to force myself to do fajr tomorrow since it will be the last time in a long time I will be doing a morning prayer. I also didn't eat today. That doesn't happen to often, but I just slept til 10am again. I plan on praying for midday prayer. I'll write more later...

I missed prayer completely at 12:47pm. It totally skipped my mind and when I realized it I didn't have enough time since I was still late for getting ready for work. I didn't pray all day. This is a travesty for Ramadan. I am loosing steam. This four day vacation couldn't come soon enough. I am feeling burnt out on this whole thing. I cheated again with cream and sugar filled coffee from McDonalds on my way to work. I am going to an offsite tonight to sell Oscar Goodman's book. They are doing a roast of him. So just as my first day of Ramadan began (selling Oscar Goodman books) it will wrap up midway through.

There was this customer with her long bony fingers, her white scraggly hair, her old Skeletor disposition that really caught me off guard. She requested to speak with a store manager as the bookseller that was helping her was "incompetent". Right. I walked into this blindsided and listened patiently to her ramble on demanding we carry some green-ish colored anti-Muslim book written by Jimmy Swaggart that he mentioned on his televangelist show the other day. I couldn't find a single bit of information online about any new book by Jimmy Swaggart, let alone a "green-ish" one. I just finished reading about Jimmy Swaggart, as he was the Assemblies of God pastor who led once-pastor, now-atheist Jerry DeWitt to the Lord. He had all kinds of prostitution scandals many years back but obviously wasn't done with his ministry. I finally found this anti-Muslim greenish book, but of course it wasn't by Swaggart at all but by some other random person. The book was from some small printing company and cost way to much of course, but she had me order it anyways. I wanted to let her know that this person standing in front of you find this ignorant book is  basically her worst nightmare. I'm an atheist (yes mam, I don't believe in God at all!) who is practicing the Muslim rituals (You know mam, those brown colored evil-doers who aren't American Christian enough for your xenophobic bony ass!) But I didn't.

I was extremely weak and obviously irritable heading into the homestretch of 7pm-8pm. I sat back in our offices with my head on the desk waiting to eat at 8pm. This unfortunately is when I was supposed to go to this offsite to sell the books with my coworker. I shoved down a delicious chicken salad bagel sandwich on the way there. It really hit the spot and satisfied me. I was in for a long night. This event was at the Stratosphere and it was like a washed-up, has-been freak show. I was sending picture texts all night to my girlfriend and other friends. Abraham Lincoln, Elivis, Liberachi, Robocop?, the Rat Pack, the "Fat Pack", a fake drunk showgirl, and Heidi Harris - just to name a few of the "celebrities" at this event. I once again felt like I landed smack dab in the middle of the movie "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas". However, this time was different. Instead of a room full of Tea Party, white Republican-types, the people really did look like "caricatures of used car salesmen" or some other Vegas freaks described in Hunter S. Thompson's book. I kept thinking, as a fake Joe Pesci and Robert De Niro walked by, "Do these people ever just stop impersonating? Like when do they just say OK .. I can finally stop being Dean Martin now? Maybe they NEVER stop! Even at home. Hmmm."

This place was weird and unlike the first Oscar Goodman book signing, I wasn't deprived of food or else on the natural high that is fasting all day it would have been almost too much to handle. The roast was absurd (and mostly not funny at all) but the benefits all went to charity so that's good. I'm sure this is what the Qu'ran is talking about when during Ramadan you are supposed to give to charity - go to a comedy roast of the ex-mayor of Las Vegas. The night ended so late (2am) that I didn't make it into bed until almost three in the morning. My determination to wake up for fajr did not come to fruition as, once again, I slept through my alarm.

I give up...

Day 15 of Ramadan started once again without eating and without morning prayer. Time to take a much needed break from Ramadan... I'm just about ready to going back to being a regular atheist now.

Ramadan week 3 coming soon...