An Atheist Observes Ramadan: Week 3

Day 15 (Wednesday)

Woke up today late once again. I skipped morning prayer completely. I got home so late last night from the offsite apparently I hit snooze 80 times and slept through sunrise. I also missed eating, which having some disgusting bean tacos from a local fast food restaurant last night, I don't deserve breakfast.

12:52pm: Finally was able to get at least one prayer in before my four day break from Ramadan. This prayer was like the slap-stick comedy prayer. I nearly fell on my ass as I was getting up from sujood and I found it somewhat hard to concentrate at the first part of the prayer since the cat was just staring at me so intensely as if thinking "What on earth are you doing?!" However, hands down (not just literally) the prayer requests were the most enjoyable. It all came flooding back to me. How to pray and to really mean it. I couldn't stop. I was naming all my friends and family. Keep them safe, Allah. Bless them with good health and wealth! I prayed for the poor. I prayed for everyone else except for myself. This was a first time too. I usually always pray for my life, my health, my success. I was too consumed with others (which I think is a good thing) to pray for my own needs.

So I am about packed for my trip. I am looking forward to seeing my friend. It's been a long time since we've hung out. We have been friends since we were in high school and known each other throughout grade school too. I look forward to relaxing by his pool and meeting his new son. Well, off to work now. I will of course stop for my usual skinny, extra iced, (with extra shots), pumpkin spice, sprinkles, and light whip frappamochachaiatino on my way to work - You know, I'm fasting and all. This is what I like to call the "all coffee fast". This has basically just been an all coffee diet.

Day 16-20 (Thurs.-Mon.)

I took this time off of Ramadan to go visit one of my longest friends in Houston. During this time I met my best friend's 14 month old child - which was pretty much the cutest baby I have ever laid eyes upon. I also swam in his pool in his gorgeous back yard. We shared stories, beers, laughs, food, and memories. It was such a relaxing vacation. I met my friend's friend from work. She was a really funny and fun person to be around. Her hardy laugh made the baby cry as we joked that her joy basically makes the child weep.

She asked me why, as an atheist I was observing Ramadan. She said that she had read week 1 of my Ramadan blog. I told her one reason was to blog about it. (obviously) I told her I love to write and these types of experiments are really enjoyable to me. I like also to be challenged and this even goes for my atheism surprisingly. If this month of Ramadan were to convince me that the one true way is accepting Allah as the one true God then so be it. This hasn't happened yet, but maybe it's still too early to tell. As always I am a freethinker and a skeptic first. So this entire experience, reading the Qu'ran, the fasting is all part of teaching me something and if that something happens to be that the Muslim faith is the one true way to live, I will accept that. That's what being truly open minded means.

Before I left for Houston, my friend in Vegas mentioned to me that I should start writing a book called something like, The Religious Atheist: Or How I learned to Stop Being an Anti-Theist and Embrace Nonsense. It would consist of me (the atheist) participating in all these different religious rituals (not just Muslim but Christian or Hindu or whatever). I liked the idea, even though it does sort of sound like a spin-off of A.J. Jacob's book Year of Living Biblically. - Which is a great book by the way! Before I left I had some sort of weird epiphany; maybe it was the starved brain that made me feel like it was some sort of message from Allah, but it certainly seemed powerful. I felt like God was calling me to be a writer. Not that that is really anything new, but to really pursue it in a university. We'll see how far that conviction leads me. At least the epiphany wasn't to go back to Bible College. That would have sucked. And I would have ignored God.

During our trip we also attended atheist church. That's right - Atheist church. I was very disappointed I didn't come a week earlier. The guest speaker of last week was Jerry DeWitt (an ex-Assembly of God pastor/televangelist) turned atheist. This was a weekly Sunday morning meetup of atheists put together by the Oasis Center ("A community grounded in reason, celebrating the human experience." - as it said on their business cards) The group was led by Mike Aus, an ex-pastor, turned atheist. The banner on the wall just said "People are more important than beliefs". I really liked this simple message. It was more of a humanist-driven church. They discussed when and where they would meet up for upcoming charity events like soup kitchens, etc.

My friend and I recalled how we would sometimes get "called down" by the pastor growing up in our Baptist church, and just how funny it would be if the same thing happened in atheist church since we were cracking jokes the whole way through the service. I wrote in a past blog about our ridiculous "Mighty Boosh/Tim and Eric style stories" my friend and I would concoct from the surrounding cast of church-going characters. We pictured everyone shooting up heroine and tripping on acid, orgies, thievery, wild animal sacrifice (basically all the things that our conservative Christian family or friends think happens when atheists get together). We were like, "Oh I guess our parents were right all along."

We couldn't deny the strange bizarro-world that seemed to be the parallel to our Christian church from back home. There were even people in the audience that resembled some characters from back home. The speaker at Oasis meetup looked almost exactly like a deacon and faithful church-attendee from our home church named Bill. We laughed at how everything was just a mirror image. The music was whatever, but before the speaker went up to the podium a man had something he wanted to read to everyone. It was his thoughts on using the word "luck" and how there was no such thing and how faith was bad. My friend and I laughed at how directly opposite this "church" was. They were talking about the dangers of faith while at that very moment in our hometown in Illinois the pastor was probably talking about faith being a virtue. Also, people started to chime in after this man got done with his diatribe on use of the word "luck". "Can you image this happening in our old church? Can you even imagine a discussion like this where people in the congregation disagree and vocalize their disagreement with someone in authority?"-  my friend said to me. It was refreshing to see a debate and a discussion where no one was "in charge" so to speak.

The guest speaker's name was Dennis Fehr. He was an ex-Mechanized Amish turned atheist. His story was very powerful and moving. He grew up in a strict environment that didn't even allow for the simple joy of art. Mechanized Amish is a little more modern than the traditional Amish. They are allowed to drive cars but the speaker said the cars where not allowed to be "flashy", all the chrome from the vehicle was removed and everything painted black. He talked of going to college for art and how this was not acceptable to his Amish community. He also married very young and finally divorced, which too was something that ostracized him. He attended the University of Illinois for Art and even talked about Decatur, Illinois which was very close to where we both grew up. In the end he talked about his father. We all teared up with Dennis as he told of how despite the push back from everyone his father knew, his father always supported his decisions. He held back the tears, and his mouth twisted to say the words that despite all the pain he caused his family his father still showed unconditional love for him. Even through his de-conversion and path to atheism he was accepted by his family. It was such a great story. Very uplifting.

At the end of the service Mike Aus came to the podium and talked about the exciting program next Sunday that would start a half hour early. Next Sunday's program is going to be with famous internet atheist, Aaron Ra and biologist, PZ Meyers. After the "service" let out we met some people that were in attendance. There were probably, I would estimate, around a hundred people in attendance. We met people that came to atheism from all walks of life. Some were born into an atheistic home, another man was born in Pakistan as a Muslim, yet another was still a Mormon that was "working things out in his head". All very nice people and that was the thing I loved most about this, it's all about meeting people. We are social animals at our very core and it feels good to socialize. I was moved by the whole refreshing experience. I am now going to look into local atheist meet ups here in Vegas.

After the the "service" we met with the "congregation" at Jason's Deli (in our home town, growing up, after church we would all meet up at Ponderosa or Pizza Hut for the buffet - see "bizarro-world"!) My friend had been trying to call his wife multiple times to confirm if she was making lunch for all of us or not. She wasn't answering her phone so we went ahead and got in line at Jason's Deli. In front of us was a man wearing a shirt that said "It is finished!", referencing Jesus' last words on the cross. One of the atheists in attendance at the Oasis meetup was talking to him about religion. It was sort of like un-evangelizing. As we stood in an unmoving line for about ten minutes my friend said we should probably just go, just in case his wife was making food. So we ditched everyone. We didn't really say goodbye to anyone. We jokingly imagined, as we saw Mike Aus straggle in late while we left,

Mike saying, Oh you guys leaving?

Yeah, we just converted back to Christianity in line here. - we reply.

Mike Aus just sort of makes a confused look while replying back, 

Alright then, ...

We laughed about the possibility of someone that was so fickle to just instantaneously be convinced by a single argument. This person after attending atheist church would be "saved" then attend a Christian church next Sunday be convinced instantly by a conversation with a Jewish person, and Muslim and so on. Each week changing their mind on the most important of questions about life and the universe. We had a good long laugh about how absurd that would be and joined his wife and son for a delicious lunch on the patio.

I had a wonderful time in Houston. I reflected on this as I sat drinking a large beer at Chili's in the George Bush Intercontinental Airport waiting for my flight to start boarding. I miss my friend and our jokes. We discussed forming a band that will most certainly be called "Slack Jaw Jesus and the Balling Fondas". It will involve my brother, me, him, and probably a laptop, but the laptop will for sure be an actual member of the band. We saw some pretty interesting indie music in downtown Houston at a place called the Fitzgerald. The bands were "Ishi" and the "TonTons". I was able to see mission control at the NASA Space Center museum. We visited Austin, Texas where everyone has an ironic t-shirt, a mustache, and tattoos. It was a pretty cool city. I will be visiting Houston/Austin again very soon. Band practice starts next month, I think...

Or does it?!?

Day 21 (Tuesday)

Hello, Ramadan! I'm back!
I arrived back in Las Vegas late Monday night. The last non-Ramadan meal I ate was Chipotle. It was around 6pm Monday night. I woke up too late for prayer so I will do it right now at 12:47pm. I'm curious to see how this will go. How hungry I will be since I took 5 days off of fasting. This is the last day of the 3rd week of Ramadan. I work until 10:30pm tonight. Hopefully it goes well.

I stopped by Coffee Bean on my way to work for my daily fasting cheat of coffee with dark chocolate flavoring. This help sustain me and my entire day was very productive with no real hunger pangs. I almost didn't even notice it was past 8pm. I broke fast with olives, some brown rice and some orange peel chicken Thai food. I only prayed once, but the midday prayer was a good one. I have to admit I missed it. I enjoyed the time to just sit and focus on my friends and family - sending them good thoughts and wishes. Praying for them. When I was on my vacation in Houston my friend sent me a link of Reza Aslan doing a calm verbal smack down of a badgering agenda-driven Fox News "reporter" not really talking about his new book on Jesus of Nazareth. I found Reza's response refreshing and his clarity empowering. It was what I mentioned in my previous blog. I was impressed by this man's passion for history and his engaging, friendly demeanor. I will post a link below with the video I am referring to.

This is the end of my very shortened week 3 of Ramadan. Week 4 is coming soon... It will be the last week and a handful of days near the end. I hope to write a wrap up conclusion to this whole experience.

Meet Houston Oasis:
www.houstonoasis.org

Meet Mike Aus:
www.un-pastorized.com

If you are ever in Houston go to see shows here:
http://fitzlivemusic.com/

Meet the band "Tontons":
http://thetontons.com/

Meet the band "Ishi":
 http://www.ishimusic.com/

Reza Aslan being "interviewed" by a Fox News "reporter":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YY92TV4_Wc0

An Atheist Observes Ramadan: Week 2

Day 8 (Wednesday)

I was informed last night that my atheist friend who was going to join me in Ramadan and blogging about his experience is not on board anymore. He has too much on his plate (not like literally) with writing samples for grad school and other such secular concerns. He obviously will not be blogging about this now. So please ignore my introduction. I'm alone in my Islamic endeavor here. So Day 8. This was the second time now I overslept through the morning prayer. Clearly alcohol and going to bed at 2am is causing me to wake up too late. I briefly considered praying while still buzzed from a couple beers and that seemed worse than not praying at all, so I chose to sleep through fajr. I am confident that this won’t happen as much going forward as I will be much more diligent in my next few weeks in not consuming alcohol before I go to bed.

I woke up today and put the finishing touches on the blog for the first week. I sat at the local library as I rehashed some of my week. Most of my experiences are coming in first person as a journal or diary from day to day. I had a great time in midday prayer at 12:47pm today. It was personal and focused. With each prayer I am noticing more focus and clarity. I pay attention more to what I’m saying. Even if I don’t necessarily believe or agree with everything I’m saying. It has become second nature. It’s just a routine now. I’m an atheist that prays. Whatever.

So today was the first day of Ramadan that I have drank coffee twice. I usually feel justified when I drink coffee or even water because I’m technically “traveling” by driving to work or somewhere. The rules of Ramadan allow you to break your fast if you are traveling. I didn’t take this loophole to the extreme and shove food down my throat as I drove around, but I felt if I’m going to cheat that I might as well do it in the Ramadan grey area. Today, as I write this, I’m enjoying an ice cold cup of black coffee. This is the first time I’ve drank coffee without traveling. My morals are loose. Maybe you have heard of this new "Atheism+" well this is "Ramadan+". It's Ramadan plus a lot of coffee.

No?

I had a great breaking of my fast. My Muslim friend served us delicious lamb shank with rice, lima beans, and yogurt. For dessert we had rice pudding with rose pedal jam. Which I'm not sure if you've ever tasted anything "rose-flavored" but if not you are missing out. Rose water is amazing, by the way, and this jam was the best jam I've ever had in my life. Try also Persian ice cream made with rose water. Dear Allah it's ridiculously delicious! It's unbelievable what this creamy, flower flavored ice cream does to your taste buds. Anyways, after I ate we enjoyed some mint and basil tea. For some reason it made my stomach cramp up and I felt very nauseous afterwards. This subsided after a about thirty minutes or so. I stayed up very late reading the book Denial: Self-Deception, False Beliefs, and the Origins of the Human Mind by Ajik Varki. It was so fascinating I couldn't put it down. I highly recommend giving it a read when you are done with "50 Shades of Grey".

Day 9 (Thursday)

Due to my late night reading marathon I hit the snooze button on my alarm at 3:45am and finally woke up just in time to shove down some walnuts, dates, and an orange just before sunrise. I did the most ridiculously condensed version of the morning prayer. I didn't recite everything fully and I skipped a round, only doing ruku and sujood once, then crawled back into bed. It's always been difficult to fall back asleep after eating, but finally I was able to. 

I had a meeting for my work at 11am so I went to that. After my meeting I drove to Starbucks to write and drink (once again ignoring even the loophole of "traveling" while drinking) something I haven't drank yet. Up until this point I have cheated in Ramadan by drinking water and black coffee only. Well, today for the first time I consumed unsweetened black iced tea. I payed the price too because it made my stomach ache for a good hour. When I was leaving Starbucks I was able to participate in the my first charity work in the most pathetic lame way possible. A teenager was sitting outside asking people leaving for money. I looked in my wallet and only had $1. I gave it to him. Since it's specifically what he asked for at least I gave him what he wanted. "May Allah bless me extra now" I thought as I got in my car to drove away. 

I never prayed again today which is the first time I've really sort of brushed off doing a proper prayer. I felt like I was slipping even further out of the good graces of Allah. I broke fast with a Jimmy Johns veggie sandwich. The rest of the night was uneventful and I once again I stayed up too late watching television. I hope tomorrow will be a better Ramadan day. Today was a little lame.

Day 10 (Friday)

Woke up today at 4:05am to eat a small breakfast of my usual fruits and this time added a handful of crackers too. I prayed a very concentrated proper prayer specifically to make up for yesterdays waste of a prayer day. I had to work at 10am today. As keeping with my new trend of bending some Ramadan rule each day, today was the first day I ordered coffee on the way to work WITH cream and sugar. Not really doing the road less traveled here. I arrived at work and had a great day. Unfortunately there was an issue with the closing manager at work not being able to make it in. I knew about around 4:30pm that I was probably going to have to stay until the store closed at 10pm. So I was staring at a full 12 hour shift with having no way to get food. I say that sort of sarcastically. Of course there are always ways to get food. However, since I was the only manager on duty I was unable to leave the store. My girlfriend first offered to bring me food, but I didn't want her to have to drive all that way just to deliver food so I could break fast at 8pm. Other coworkers were also kind enough to offer, but of course I didn't have any cash on me. If only I hadn't given it to that teenager asking for it. Just kidding. A little Ramadan joke at the expense of the poor.

That's probably not good.

At 8pm I broke fast with some habanero and sour cream flavored pretzel bites as I think Muhammad was witnessed doing once. Of course I'm kidding, and Muslims know how to take a joke when it comes to Muhammad, right? ... Anyways, it was all I could find to sooth my searing hunger. I think this day was the second worst day of Ramadan for me (as far as the suffering part of it goes - of course I say suffering lightly with perspective - I realize that in comparison to the actual starving people all over the world it's nothing). My stomach was growling something fierce and I felt very delusional nearing the 8pm hour. The pretzels did the trick to get me to a proper meal once I was able to leave the store around 10:30pm. I ate a small combination of In and Out burger and Cain's Chicken. Ridiculous, I know. Don't judge me! It was a really long day. Jesus!

Day 11 (Saturday) 

Due to having to work 12 hours yesterday I am off work today. I was initially supposed to go help with a book signing of Jimi Hendrix's brother signing his book at Michael Jackson's old mansion, but unfortunately due to the overtime I couldn't make that happen today. A day off is just as good though. So far not so good as I again stayed up late. Watching this debate between Alex Rosenberg and William Lane Craig:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhfkhq-CM84

It's quite long. Like almost 3 hours long and I started it around midnight. So ... once again I completely slept through fajr. For I think the first time too I didn't eat breakfast. Of course I feel my double meal last night justifies me skipping eating in the morning today. I called my mother and had a wonderful lengthy chat with her about what's happening in our lives, but missed the midday prayer (Dhuhr) completely. So will this be the first official day I don't pray at all? Not even a quick abbreviated version? I hope not. It's currently 2:27pm right now so I have time to make up for it. Maybe at 8pm before I break fast I will be able to. 

Today was great so far too because I had a fun lengthy conversation with my father. As I've mentioned in past blog posts, my father is a devout Christian. He is an evangelical Christian. His denomination is Baptist. He never misses a church service: Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, and any activities in between. He was talking to me today about the last church service he attended. The pastor went up to begin his sermon and suddenly ... all the lights go out. The pastor just stood there for a bit then finally dismissed the congregation. My dad then went on to describe what he thinks the cause of the power outage was. Without so much as batting an eye, in the most serious voice possible, my father tells me that squirrels are always getting into the power breakers and knocking stuff around enough to cut power to the whole church building. I died laughing and he just sat silent on the phone. The fact that he did not even see the smallest amount of humor in this ridiculous story just made me laugh more.

My dad went on to describe how they were overworking him at his job, requiring him to work 12 hour days every day of the week and possibly now weekends. He explained that he prays daily that the God of the Bible will give him the strength to basically not "loose it" as his company appears to be trying to push him out of a job to hire someone that can work for much less an hour. It would appear they are trying to get him to quit or get fired by not working these ridiculous hours. It's a complete cluster that I hope he can combat with the help of his union. Anyways, it got me thinking after I got off the phone. I regret not saying this while I was on the phone too, but I wish I would have said, "Dad, yeah I know what you mean about prayer, I've been praying a lot lately too." Of course we are essentially praying to two completely different gods (well, actually are we?). I am of the impression that my family would likely be more dissatisfied if I become a practicing Muslim over a practicing Atheist (which is what I am -- whatever "practicing" means). So the worse possible combination would be an atheist that is still a "practicing Muslim". Haha! That's ridiculous.

I considered going to Whole Foods and getting a large juice. I used to go here often in the afternoon on my days off to get a Green Gardener smoothie (bananas or blueberries, kale, spinach, oranges, .. etc) but I felt like that would really be cheating since it's essentially "eating" in that I'm taking in nutrients. Ramadan is about not eating. I have noticed something else I want to mention here about fasting:

Fasting gives you this very surreal perception of the power of minimalism. With each thing we consume in our lofty American lives in 2013 we don't really realize the deleterious effects of all this "stuff". If you have never watched the video called "The story of stuff" on YouTube do yourself a favor and check it out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLBE5QAYXp8

It will open your eyes to the actual costs connected to what you buy and consume. There are so many things we don't need we take for granted. Think of all the packaging. Everything you attain is in packages. All this waste all these things are dragging us down and as I notice the power of minimalism as I fast I feel whole. As you get older it may be important to start shedding your "stuff" and honing in on personal things in our life. Think big but live small. It's quite a simple and timeless creed but it's true. When fasting I am fully aware of the control I have of my own consumption and that control gives me what feels like real power. The power over myself. I really like this part about Ramadan. I suggest trying it sometime if you never have before. Take away something from your life to see if you can live without it. It doesn't necessarily have to be food, but it can be. Join me in shedding your extra baggage and living more sustainably and more whole.

After that message on anti-consumption I somehow ended up at McDonalds and I drank coffee WITH cream and sugar. That's great. I have really fallen over the edge now. I am cheating too much with the drinks during Ramadan. I have failed. I'm sitting in McDonalds right now reading (who does that?) This is obviously where parents take their children to burn off their energy in the play area. It is really loud in here. I wonder if any writer has ever just spent a whole day in a McDonalds writing about his observations. I did not break fast with McDonalds, don't worry. I broke it with a delicious meal of baba ganoosh, salad, and a couple Persian desserts. I prayed before I ate the meal at around 7:30pm. It wasn't on strict schedule but I refused to not pray at all today. I had to squeeze at least one prayer in today.

Day 12 (Sunday)

I woke up at 4:30am today. Just barely in time to eat a peanut butter and honey sandwich. No morning prayer again today (I am really slacking on prayer now each morning) which is one of the most important prayers for Muslims. I crawled back into bed and woke up around 10am. I got ready for work. I was scheduled into work at 1pm. On my way to work I stopped by McDonalds again to get another flavored coffee. I keep taking these baby steps, cheating with each day of Ramadan. I got coffee with hazelnut flavoring and cream. Dear Lord.

--- So it seems have I have turned into my theist friend Dan as of late. He has a "theist/coffee themed" blog here: http://www.theolatte.com/ I vowed I would never write a blog about coffee and here I am. What have I become? An atheist practicing Muslim rituals that can't stop going on and on about coffee. ----

Work was very difficult. The hunger was intense. I also wasn't "feeling the love" I felt last week towards customers. I was grumpy and short tempered. It felt all wrong. I finally broke my fast after a short prayer with a subway sandwich. That was one of the best meals I've had. It was satisfying. I went home and shared a bottle of wine with my girlfriend and went to bed. Mostly uneventful day, nothing to report really.

Day 13 (Monday)

Woke up late again. Just enough time to shove down a honey and walnut sandwich and some water. I had a mild headache from the wine, but overall felt OK. It seems to be no longer just the exception to the rule that I miss fajr. I keep missing morning prayer and I'm not so sure why besides just being overly tired and lazy. I am going to really try to pray tomorrow morning. I will for sure pray today before work at 12:47pm. I hope today is a little more eventful.

I am excited to meet Reza Aslan. We are doing a book signing with him tonight. He is a religious scholar and author who is signing at the local library. I bought his older book on Islam called "No God But God: The Origins, the Evolution, and the Future of Islam" to have him sign as a gift for my Muslim friend and I am going to purchase his newest book called "Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth" to have him sign it tonight. I wonder if Reza will be practicing Ramadan too? I look forward to meeting him later this evening.

Prayed at 12:52pm. Almost forgot. I did a full proper prayer taking about 18 minutes. I made personal prayer requests for my family, my girlfriend and her family, and the poor. During prayer I thought to myself how being an atheist is sort of sad in a way. All the rituals of prayer and devotion are not available to us, unless I make this a habit I suppose. I began to long for the "spiritual part" inside too. Not the religions own this, but I just kept saying, "Allah, what is THAT?" What is that "mystical spirit" we all sense inside of us? Just chemicals? If I were a deist I would be OK with that in some regards, because the supernatural claims, miracles and revelations of all the world's religions I disregard because there is no evidence for these things. I also can't get on board with this interventionist god who has a son or reaches down to cause tsunamis to punish everyone for the sins of homosexuality. I can't be a Mormon, a Christian, a Jew, a Muslim in this regard. I just don't believe all these things. By the evidence I am forced to be an atheist.

But what of this "spirituality" I sense inside? Is it what it means to be homo sapeins? To be spiritual? To seek something beyond the natural world. To seek some experience that transcends us into another level of consciousness - (whatever that means). Drugs help of course. Depriving yourself of food and water is the drug-free way of getting to that "higher" level. With searing concentration and stillness, while being so aware of ones own breathing, it is possible to get there too. If you meditate you can get high. I've heard and read stories, though never tried it for myself. While I was attending the Bible college, I spent hours in a small chapel on my knees praying so hard, tears flowing from my eyes. I felt like I had transcended this mortal level and was talking with God. These "spiritual" experiences are real, but they are all rooted in the workings of the brain. Not to deflate this so quickly with some neuroscience, but it's true. However, my question is -- Is tapping into these "spiritual" experiences something human beings MUST do to be healthy? Does our brain need to "go there" from time to time to brush out the cobwebs, so to speak? This fast paced, consumer-driven world we live in now is maddening and it may be evolutionarily necessary for us humans to experience this "spiritual" experience from time to time, if nothing else for a break for the rat race.

Arrived at the local library for Reza Aslan's book signing with my coworker around 6pm. We set up the table with his newest book. I was able to go listen to him speak. If you have never heard Reza speak before you should really do yourself a favor and at least watch a youtube talk of his. He is a very engaging speaker, almost as talented as he is as a writer. Reza told the story of Jesus and I was fascinated. All my life I have been taught the religious side of Jesus. The Christ side. Reza was explaining the zealot side of Jesus of Nazareth. He was simply a zealot. He mentioned his miracles were nothing special, just as his claims of being a Messiah were not as well. Many people in ancient Palestine were not only miracle workers (except Jesus would heal you for free -- what a socialist!) but also messiahs. Being a messiah back then was really sort of an average career choice. Under the Roman occupation Jews were popping up left and right claiming to be the Messiah that the Torah spoke about.

Reza also mentioned that crucifixion was happening all over the place in the Roman Empire. He described it as sort of the lazy torturers' way to execute someone - it was cheap and inexpensive as you would just let them rot in the sun. I laughed out loud when he said this, but I was alone in thinking that was funny. Oh well.

After the Q and A segment I rejoined my coworker at the table with his books as we were rushed with more people purchasing it. As the line thinned down I grabbed my copy of his newest book and his older book to be signed by Reza for my Muslim friend I have been speaking of in these blog entries. Reza was the nicest man ever, engaging, and fun to talk to. We laughed, took a picture together and he personalized both books I gave him. We didn't talk about me being an atheist or him being a Muslim or even me being an atheist becoming a practicing Muslim for Ramadan. It was like we didn't really need to. It was almost like these labels and these sorts of things aren't as important as a just being friendly and enjoying a good laugh, but isn't that really the truth about life? I had barely noticed it was well after Maghrib. I broke fast with a granola bar. I ate Cane's chicken on my way back to the store and a large salad once I got back home. Today was a wonderful day and the fastest time had ever went by during my fast. I wasn't as hungry as I had been in previous days either. I have another long offsite book signing event tomorrow. I will have to take some food to break fast with unless there is food at the event. I look forward to it.

Day 14 (Tuesday)

This is the last day of the 2nd week of Ramadan. It is exactly halfway through. However, I get a break. I will be traveling to visit a friend and will be gone for 4 full days. It is unlawful, as my Muslim friend explained, to fast while traveling. I will take my 4 day hiatus from Ramadan during this trip. Thus my next blog entry will be quite short, only consisting of Wednesday (Day 15) and Tuesday (Day 21). I'm not completely sure how I will handle writing it, but some small blog entry for week 3 will emerge out of it.

I skipped prayer AGAIN! I cannot believe this! I am going to force myself to do fajr tomorrow since it will be the last time in a long time I will be doing a morning prayer. I also didn't eat today. That doesn't happen to often, but I just slept til 10am again. I plan on praying for midday prayer. I'll write more later...

I missed prayer completely at 12:47pm. It totally skipped my mind and when I realized it I didn't have enough time since I was still late for getting ready for work. I didn't pray all day. This is a travesty for Ramadan. I am loosing steam. This four day vacation couldn't come soon enough. I am feeling burnt out on this whole thing. I cheated again with cream and sugar filled coffee from McDonalds on my way to work. I am going to an offsite tonight to sell Oscar Goodman's book. They are doing a roast of him. So just as my first day of Ramadan began (selling Oscar Goodman books) it will wrap up midway through.

There was this customer with her long bony fingers, her white scraggly hair, her old Skeletor disposition that really caught me off guard. She requested to speak with a store manager as the bookseller that was helping her was "incompetent". Right. I walked into this blindsided and listened patiently to her ramble on demanding we carry some green-ish colored anti-Muslim book written by Jimmy Swaggart that he mentioned on his televangelist show the other day. I couldn't find a single bit of information online about any new book by Jimmy Swaggart, let alone a "green-ish" one. I just finished reading about Jimmy Swaggart, as he was the Assemblies of God pastor who led once-pastor, now-atheist Jerry DeWitt to the Lord. He had all kinds of prostitution scandals many years back but obviously wasn't done with his ministry. I finally found this anti-Muslim greenish book, but of course it wasn't by Swaggart at all but by some other random person. The book was from some small printing company and cost way to much of course, but she had me order it anyways. I wanted to let her know that this person standing in front of you find this ignorant book is  basically her worst nightmare. I'm an atheist (yes mam, I don't believe in God at all!) who is practicing the Muslim rituals (You know mam, those brown colored evil-doers who aren't American Christian enough for your xenophobic bony ass!) But I didn't.

I was extremely weak and obviously irritable heading into the homestretch of 7pm-8pm. I sat back in our offices with my head on the desk waiting to eat at 8pm. This unfortunately is when I was supposed to go to this offsite to sell the books with my coworker. I shoved down a delicious chicken salad bagel sandwich on the way there. It really hit the spot and satisfied me. I was in for a long night. This event was at the Stratosphere and it was like a washed-up, has-been freak show. I was sending picture texts all night to my girlfriend and other friends. Abraham Lincoln, Elivis, Liberachi, Robocop?, the Rat Pack, the "Fat Pack", a fake drunk showgirl, and Heidi Harris - just to name a few of the "celebrities" at this event. I once again felt like I landed smack dab in the middle of the movie "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas". However, this time was different. Instead of a room full of Tea Party, white Republican-types, the people really did look like "caricatures of used car salesmen" or some other Vegas freaks described in Hunter S. Thompson's book. I kept thinking, as a fake Joe Pesci and Robert De Niro walked by, "Do these people ever just stop impersonating? Like when do they just say OK .. I can finally stop being Dean Martin now? Maybe they NEVER stop! Even at home. Hmmm."

This place was weird and unlike the first Oscar Goodman book signing, I wasn't deprived of food or else on the natural high that is fasting all day it would have been almost too much to handle. The roast was absurd (and mostly not funny at all) but the benefits all went to charity so that's good. I'm sure this is what the Qu'ran is talking about when during Ramadan you are supposed to give to charity - go to a comedy roast of the ex-mayor of Las Vegas. The night ended so late (2am) that I didn't make it into bed until almost three in the morning. My determination to wake up for fajr did not come to fruition as, once again, I slept through my alarm.

I give up...

Day 15 of Ramadan started once again without eating and without morning prayer. Time to take a much needed break from Ramadan... I'm just about ready to going back to being a regular atheist now.

Ramadan week 3 coming soon...

2 Blog Shorts: The Story of Doubting Thomas and the Problem of Hell

1. The Story of Doubting Thomas

John 20:24-29

24 But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came.
25 The other disciples therefore said unto him, We have seen the Lord. But he said unto them, Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe.
26 And after eight days again his disciples were within, and Thomas with them: then came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, Peace be unto you.
27 Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing.
28 And Thomas answered and said unto him, My Lord and my God.
29 Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.

A friend of mine once pointed out this passage of the Bible to me. Why was Thomas rewarded with special treatment in the realm of evidence to the resurrected Jesus? This last verse of course sums up the false notion that blind faith is a virtue unlike what it actually is - accepting something without sufficient evidence. Think about this: Thomas required physical evidence that Jesus had risen from the dead (nail holes left in his hand and spear hole in his side). So isn't this unfair? Why was the Son of God giving special treatment to one man in human history? The rest of human kind, thousands of years later, are forced by an omniscient God to take the claim that Jesus is the resurrected Lord and Savior on blind faith... at the very least (they were not there to feel the holes in Jesus' hand and side as Thomas was) But that was then I suppose, and this is now. How convenient to say, "God works in mysterious ways" these days. He doesn't work miracles quite like he did in the days of the Bible. Where's the fire from heaven like the story of Baal vs. Yahweh in the Old Testament? God doesn't work so openly these days.

All I know is it seems drastically unfair to set up a set of rules for one human being (Thomas) and another for the rest of humanity thousands of years later. If one is to come to Christianity by evidence (as Christian writer Lee Strobel suggests is possible) then the game is rigged, clearly. Some may say it is a combination of both the head and the heart that leads you to a "saving knowledge" of Jesus Christ. However if the head is involved that means evidence and the game is rigged. Thomas gets his evidence, the rest of us have to take the gospel writers' word for it. So what's left? Faith ... the heart part. Jesus and you FEEL like best friends now that you accepted him into your heart. Subjective experience is all fine and dandy but it means nothing in way of evidence and good luck convincing me that the Muslim, Scientologist, or Satan worshiper doesn't also "feel" something when they pray or have special revelations here and there just as Jesus gave you as a Christian. So it's all about the heart and it's all about faith which of course is personal thus useless in getting at objective Truth.

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This brings me to my second problem with Christian logic: 

2. The Problem of Hell

I was taught as a small child that if I didn't get saved by Jesus I was going to burn for all eternity in the Lake of Fire. This is probably the cause of my 75 conversions growing up. With every scary "End Times" rapture video or scary hellfire and brimstone revival sermon I walked away with a fresh new "just in case" salvation experience. Scare tactics works in people, especially small children. I would have nightmares of not actually being "saved" and God at the judgement gate saying "Go away from me, I never knew you." and casting me into Hell. I can picture the demons now grabbing at my legs as I start to burn. I remember Sunday school teachers telling me as a child that the hell in fire was the hottest of fire. It was a white fire. A fire that never was quenched.

In Luke 16 we see a story of the rich man and Lazarus. If you read this story you see that the rich man's sins are simply for being rich. A topic constantly brought up in the New Testament by Jesus that somehow has escaped the most faithful Christian Republicans in this country. Tax cuts on the rich?! Heavens, no! What a terrible evil, liberal thing to consider! ... So just for being rich and letting a beggar like Lazarus eat crumbs as they fell from his table the rich man in this story is tortured forever in Hades. He begs Abraham, who is in heaven next to Lazarus, to have Lazarus dip his finger in water and drop it on his tongue; this way he may, for just an instant, be relieved from the agony of burning forever. Abraham gives all kinds of excuses.  Due to the crazy impenetrable barrier between them he is unable too. The rich man begs Abraham to send Lazarus back to warn his brothers about this terrible Lake of Fire so that they will be saved. Abraham argues that they don't need a zombie to warn them Moses and the prophets are clearly enough to convince anyone out there (except doubting Thomas of course) to live a righteous life (which apparently means be poor?)

Ignoring the absurdity that there is oxygen in heaven (water) and in hell (fire), ignoring the fact that any "benevolent" God who would send his creation to eternal fire is clearly psychotic (the punishment being quite excessive), and ignoring the fact that no one in their right mind would EVER choose this eternal torment, we don't need to reason much further. The evidence of course is completely non-existent when it comes to hell, but furthermore it's insulting to think that some of my friends expect me to burn forever and aren't doing anything about it. Some in fact would rather not talk about religion while they apparently believe that I will burn forever as an atheist. These people are simply not dogmatic about hell. They will say they are, but they aren't. Or else they don't actually love me or think of me as a friend. Can there be any other way around this?

Thinking that no one would ever choose to go to hell we arrive at the problem of hell to begin with. It's the oldest trick in the book. It's merely a bit of ancient folklore to scare society into servitude. Servitude towards the Jewish God, Yahweh. When you think of it that way, it seems almost ridiculous that I would need to blog about something so archaic and nonsensical in 2013. Why would God set up the rules like this? And why on earth would God be so vague about this Lake of Fire? Can we really arrive at any other conclusion other than that God is sick and likes to mess with our heads? Why did God put those fossil bones that show the earth is billions of years old and humans are just another species of ape that evolved like every other living creature? He did it because he is apparently some trickster God (as Bill Hicks has said). He likes to play these mind games with his creation. The truth of the Christian God is contrary to evidence. Good luck! He's fucking with our heads trying to throw us off the correct path of his Holy Book. So God gives us zero evidence of hell, while tribe people are born in the heart of the South American jungle who will live and die without hearing about hell? Why so allusive with something so goddamn important -- such as eternal burning in a fucking lake of fire?!

Oh I know why...

It's all made up. That includes: Hell, God, Heaven, Lazarus, the Bible. ALL of it!

An Atheist Observes Ramadan: Week 1

Introduction:

I was instructed by fellow Muslim friends in the U.S. to start fasting for Ramadan on Wednesday, July 10th. I read that day that most Muslims in America started on Tuesday. I think the disagreement stems from when the crescent moon is visible in the night sky. More information on the controversy is better discussed here:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/09/ramadan-start-date_n_3566129.html

Ramadan is broken down like this: 

Fajr is the first of the five daily prayer. A meal is prepared and eaten before the prayer and before sunrise. The first day Fajr began at 4:06am. Dhuhr is the midday prayer that is silent and starts at 12:46pm, Asr, which is the afternoon prayer that is also silent and offered up at 4:36pm on the first day, Maghrib at 8:00pm, which is the prayer before breaking the fast. It was also customary to break the fast as Muhammad did with eating 3 dates. The final prayer which was the hardest for me for some reason was Isha at 9:27pm. 

I was reading about the Fajr prayer and was fascinated by the beauty (without it hinging on any actual truth, just more so poetic) that Allah favored this prayer the most because it was a more personal prayer due to the fact that everyone else was sleeping. Only the diligent practicing Muslims were getting God's prime attention in these hours. In some way it struck me as sort of intimate and beautiful.

Day 1 (Wednesday)

I set my alarm Tuesday night for 3:45am Wednesday morning. I barely had time to eat a peanut butter and honey sandwich and chug a bottle of water before prayer. As I would learn peanut butter was a bad choice (it was stuck in my throat a good portion of the morning without being able to drink water to wash it down.) It felt like a race against time to eat before 4:06am. I was so terrified to pray again. It had been so long since I had done such a thing. Of course this time it was to Allah instead of Yahweh. I was nervous even though this was completely private. I washed up and spread the towel (my prayer mat) on the floor, opened up the laptop for reference, and recited this prayer just in the nick of time :

By the light of day, and by the dark of night, your Lord has not forsaken you, nor does He abhor you. The life to come holds a richer prize for you than this present life. You shall be gratified with what your Lord will give you.

Did He not find you an orphan and give you shelter?

Did He not find you in error and guide you?

Did He not find you poor and enrich you?

Therefore do not wrong the orphan, nor chide away the beggar. But proclaim the goodness of your Lord.

I recited it over and over really grasping the meaning as I went along. I praised Allah multiple times then fell on my face towards the Qibla. Then that was it. It only lasted 10-15 min. I sat in silence for the last 5 min. face to the ground. I’m sure I did something wrong here (I didn't do my homework on how Muslims pray, obviously), but I feel like this whole month will be a learning process of what to do and not do. I will do my best to follow all the rules. After researching a little more I see there are specific orders and jestures for praying. I didn’t follow these orders. I will in the next prayer and from now on. This was fajr, next up Dhuhr (midday prayer). I’m not sure how I’m supposed to pray at work. I guess I’ll find out soon enough.

I’ve already broken rules. I cussed twice. I looked at a woman's body on TV for 2 seconds (but it wasn’t really out of lust just out of biologic instinct) I caught myself and stopped.  The one very good thing about Ramadan is it forces you pay attention to your life. I really like the fact that you notice what you do. I’m not so sure I buy the censoring yourself bit of it, but I do think that being more aware of what you say, what you think, what you do is overall a good thing. It brings searing personal clarity in this rat race world.

The Duhuhr prayer went much more smoothly with this guide I found online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7MbKmTCNSU 

Of course I messed up on some details on which way to angel your feet and my scoliosis is problematic when I go into ruku. I did mess up and drop and F-bomb in frustration, which I instantly noticed and asked for forgiveness for (is that strictly a Catholic thing though?). So far refraining from cussing has been the hardest for me. I thoroughly enjoyed the peaceful prayer time. I think it’s important in meditation and prayer to truly “let go” of everything. You must free yourself of your thoughts, your anxiety, your upcoming schedule at work, and just be in "the moment". In many ways this is a beautiful thing about Islam. It teaches you to stop and pray. It commands that you stop your busy life and take a minute to just sit and focus. It’s as if the specific details of prayer and the specific times help discipline you. Is this the good of religion? Are we a species of apes that need routine and discipline to live a healthier life (even as adults)? Maybe.

I think in my life I am one of those humans that could really benefit from religion. That sounds really strange to say, but what I mean is my life has been so aimless and so disjointed in the last 10 years. I had no direction, no goal as far as career path or overall life decisions. I’m just taking up space and deepening my carbon footprint. In some odd way its what atheists like me lack. We need a lifeline, a grid to fall into to live a more successful life. I suppose that lifeline can be filled with a career path or humanitarian work, but I can see how religion can suck you in. It’s arms are open wide and accepting of anyone. And it's easy. You don't need to be a specialist to partake in it. That's why atheists desperately need companionship and solidarity, working together in their local communities in groups. I read that ex-pastor Jerry Dewitt was starting a church for atheists. Not that they would worship science or whatever but that they were get together for fellowship.

There is something very humanizing about participating in strict religious rituals such as Ramadan. You sort of get this overwhelming realization that we are all just humans. Having some knowledge of the sciences of cosmology, geology, and biology you tend to always pull back to see the big picture: we are just a species of ape on this insignificant planet, of which is billions of years old, the cosmos is deeply older, and so on. So when you see these Muslims praying, fasting, and connecting to the poor and reflecting on Allah you see those like myself that are atheists who aren't Muslim or Mormon or Christian or Jew or Scientologists, you see we're all the same. You see the connection: who knows who is right. I may be wrong – there may actually be a God of some kind (that God may very well be Allah), but the one thing we all know is that we are human beings. And we are all just working things out each in our own way. In this regard I have been knocked off my pedastal of looking down on the religious people with their delusions of god and am beginning to see we are all on the same level. No one is better than anyone else here. Life is internal. The big questions are subjective and we all have to grapple how we deal with these questions til we die and turn back into stardust eventually.

I made it through the day. I didn’t think I would. Either the lack of caffeine or lack of food or combo of both led me to one of the worst migraines I’ve ever had. I was doing an offsite book signing, sitting next to my fellow worker selling Oscar Goodman’s book, who was sitting next to Dinesh D'Souza who was also signing his new book, when I began to feel very light headed and nauseous. I was at this event in Vegas called "Freedomfest" full of Tea Party types. Let's just say these weren't really my people. I got up in a daze trying to go get some water (the rule I have broken here and there when absolutely necessary). This was around 7:30pm. 30 min to go. It was somewhat of a nightmare aimlessly feeling my way around a room full of white Republicans (minus Dinesh). I felt like I was in the movie "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" tripping on acid as I stumbled among these reptiles. I finally got water from the bartender. This helped as I was very close to passing out. To break fast I unwisely chose to eat a burger which made me want to throw up. I only ate half of it and ate later on that night soup and chicken once my stomach settled.

In those moments of terror where the headache was so bad I could barely walk I remember vividly missing moderate Christianity. I missed my old comfortable Middle America, white moderate religion where Jesus was just alright and he would help you find your car keys. I missed being comfortable and natural as I twisted reality to match my Holy Book's teachings. I really began to hate Islam in those moments (as if it was forcing me to do this.) I time-traveled back to when I was younger and despised a religion I knew nothing about. That was a religion practiced by non-whites over in some place that wasn't America. Eww. The fast came to an end I prayed and went to bed.

Day 2 (Thursday)

Woke up on time. Had a very successful prayer after a small meal went back to bed. I found a helpful instructional video online that uses some computerized green Muslim showing step by step the motions you must go through when praying as I mentioned earlier. The prayer (salah) I recite every morning is in two parts. The first part is as follows:

In the name of Allah, the most Beneficial, most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds. The Beneficient, the Merciful. Master of the Day of Judgment. You alone we worship and to You alone we turn for help. Guide us to the Straight Path. The path of those whom You favored. Not of those who earned Your anger. Nor of those who went astray.

In the name of Allah the most Beneficient, most Merciful.  He is Allah. The One (Unique). Allah, the Independent upon whom all depend; He fathers not, nor is He fathered; And there for Him is none alike.

I start with hands raised, palms facing the Qibla (northeast-ish)

I place my right hand over my left just over bellybutton and with three fingers shown. Then recite salah.

I go into ruku (which is a bent position with hands on knees)

Then sujood. (which is knees first, nose then forehead, palms on ground in a bowing position, feet have toes pointed out towards the Qibla.)

Then sit on the floor with right foot straight, left foot bent to the side. then another sujood then up again to recite the last surah.

In the name of Allah, the most Beneficient, most Merciful. I seek refuge with the Lord of Dawn. From the mischief of created things; From the mischief of Darkness as it overspreads; From the mischief of those who blow knots (practice witchcraft); And from the mischief of the envious one as he practices envy. 

Then repeat...

The index finger is pointed forward, then I turn my head to right then to left and then I'm allowed to ask Allah whatever I wish in prayer requests.

Today was drastically more tolerable than yesterday. I did not break fast, however on my way to work since I was traveling I did stop for a cup of black iced coffee to combat the migraine I knew was coming since I hadn’t eaten all day. It worked miracles. I felt great all day.

-- This is the one thing I apparently couldn't give up since it helped combat migraines. I know this is cheating but it is something that I had to do to help me function without pain all day. I would never put anything in coffee (no milk or sugar).--

Around 7pm I began to get pretty weak but I did eat after prayer, thanking Allah for the meal. I ate plums, oranges, banana, and apricot while easing myself into an actual meal of a burrito with black bean dip from Trader Joes. I learned my lesson from yesterday by not eating too much too quickly. I did stop for a burger on the way home at In & Out too. I just had to, alright, don't judge me! I also stopped for a 24 oz beer, I don’t know if this is against the rules of Ramadan. (Of course I know it is -- since practicing Muslims never drink anyways). I always feel like after 8pm you are allowed to do whatever, except cuss, sexual relations, etc. but maybe that’s not the case. Maybe tomorrow I will do better. It's day two and I have already cheated.

Day 3 (Friday)

Cheated this time once again. I'm drastically failing at Ramadan. I would make a horrible Muslim. I drank water without driving. I also stopped for coffee on the way to work, though it was black with no cream or sugar it helped combat the headache that was sure to follow a day of not eating. Overall this has been absolutely liberating. It feels weird to know that I could actually get used to not eating anything all day long. I didn’t pray today except in the morning and night, it is very difficult to pray at work since it involves the prayer mat, etc. I came back to a beautiful spread of food to break my fast around 8:45pm tonight at my friend's house. Hummus, dates, cucumbers, tomatoes and cheese, baba ghanoush, rice, bread, and peppermint tea. Also various deserts that were all so delicious. Today was one of the best days I’ve experirence with Ramadan. I discussed with my Muslim friend taking food to homeless this Sunday when I am off work to do more charity work. My atheist friend and I are planning on breaking fast together tomorrow (magrid) around 8pm. I look forward to Day 4.

Day 4 (Saturday)

This day began horribly. The Envious One made me oversleep. I woke up at 5am. My alarm didn’t go off for some reason, and I was barely able to pray without eating before sunrise. Little did I know this was only the beginning of my going astray and slipping away from some of the core rules during Ramadan. For the last few days I was unable to pray at the other times. However, I did what I could to make up for it. Each day becomes easier to not eat. Even at work. In fasting it’s sort of this state of tranquil bliss one experiences life through this hazy lens. I love it. It really is like being on a drug. And I am sort of becoming used to it quickly. However, around 6pm when I got off work I was ready to eat. I met up with my atheist friend to grocery shop for breaking our fast. It was his first day of the fast and he was experiencing it just as roughly as I was on my first day.

We grabbed some groceries from Whole Foods and Smith’s. We stumbled around all weak and tired at the stores. We went back to his place to prepare the meal. It was an all raw meal. We prepared veggies with baba ghanoush, cucumbers, broccoli, cauliflower, peppers, tomatoes and nan with falafel. It was very delicious. We broke our fast with organic dates, and after we ate we enjoyed tea and homemade vanilla bean, honey ice cream. My friend and I had a good time discussing all sorts of different subjects. This was one of my favorite Ramadan days ... until nighttime. I met up with a friend and we both did something no strict Muslim does, drank beer. We had a couple of beers (a gift from my manager at my job) and I stayed up way too late. So late in fact I completely missed fajr.

Day 5 (Sunday)

I woke today with a mild hangover from just a couple beers since I don't drink often, which required water and a large helping of guilt for missing morning prayer. I slept through it all. I participated in the midday prayer at 12:46pm since I was off work and able to. I spoke with my Muslim friend who mentioned our ideas of charity work may be better served if we donate money to Red Cross (as they seem to be the only major charity organization that doesn’t pay their presidents and CEOs big money). He also let me know that most of the charity work is done near the end of Ramadan so we can go around giving out bottled water and food to homeless then. I still may start my charity work earlier, but I agreed to focus more on doing it during the end of Ramadan. My friend was going to store to get food to prepare a healthy meal to break fast tonight at 8pm.

So far I’ve changed my attitude about how much I really need food during the day and how much I pointlessly consume. In this regard Ramadan has given me power over my own urges. Ramadan was supposed to teach me that I am much more than merely an animal, with these typical animal urges. Unlike the savages from other species we can control our sexual urges or other "immoral thoughts" and keep them at bay. Of course this is all for Allah’s sake, not simply to make society civil and keep sexually violent crimes down. Whatever works, right? I have to wonder what else Ramadan will teach me, since it seems it has not stopped me from cussing. It also hasn’t kept me praying consistently or stopped me from drinking alcohol. I haven’t done any charity work yet, and when I did finally eat, at least in my first few days, I gorged on junk food, which is counterproductive of the fast in the first place.

I also haven’t felt anything when I’ve prayed. Maybe I am doing it wrong or I'm not giving it the focus it deserves. However I did pray to have a completely peaceful uneventful day at work with no crazy incidences and that came true so does Allah answer prayers? Did Yahweh help me find my car keys as a teenager? Need I reiterate that I am an atheist and I don’t believe in this, but in some ways I wish I could “feel something” devout when I pray as the faithful do. I want to be swept up in the spirit of Islam to see what all this is about. I don’t want to feel like I’m just following an online instructional video with a little green Muslim guy each time I pray. Which is precisely what I’m doing so far. Maybe Islam will teach me something after all, but I have to say so far not much going on in my heart or head, just in my stomach.

Day 6 (Monday)

This was one of the most successful days of Ramadan for me. I ate a proper meal for fajr. I ate all kinds of fruits and rice pudding with honey. It was delicious. I went back to bed and woke up fairly late. I noticed that when I can sleep in I do sleep in since it’s easier to deal with fasting when you are sleeping the day away. Since I ate so much in the morning it actually made me much more hungry all day long, but I survived and for the first time prayed all five prayers required for Muslims. Even at work I was able to sneak away on my break and do a quick prayer. I had a thought though, in the midday prayer while I was reciting the usual prayer,

In the name of Allah the most Beneficient, most Merciful.  He is Allah. The One (Unique). Allah, the Independent upon whom all depend; He fathers not, nor is He fathered; And there for Him is none alike.”

In the Bible (Exodus 34:14) we see Yahweh is a jealous God; it seems Allah is no different. My skepticism kicked in right in the middle of praying this. This whole idea seems so outdated. It made since in days when religion was the only game in town. There was no such thing as science. There were no atheists then. So various religions faced serious competition from other religions. No one is worshiping multiple gods these days either. The main thing I’ve noticed about the Qu’ran as I’ve read it so far (I’m only a few hundred pages into it at the moment) is that Islam is constantly trying to separate itself from other religions. “He fathers not, nor is he fathered.” – Islam is not Christianity. In the free market of selling religion back when Islam was really young it was important to talk down the competition.  It is a market strategy to distance oneself from the competitor - (AKA: Judaism or Christianity.) It all seems so man-made, derived, and so dated. It actually made me sad to realize this. Especially during prayer.

It also made me realize my privileged position in time, in racial, class, gender status in this country. I am an atheist simply because I have had the freedom to question, I have had the freedom to educate myself. Had I been born in a different time period, in a different country or as a different gender or race I may not be so lucky. I do consider myself lucky to be free as I am here in America in this time period. I have the privileged advantage of sitting back and looking at human history and it's long littered past of religions (dead and alive) and pick and chose what makes sense per my own reasoning and logic. I am not devoid of perspective. I try to constantly remind myself of my status in life. 

After work I broke my fast in the most American way possible – I ate at a big fat juicy burger once again. I came home and ate a salad as well. This day was a success. I packed a small breakfast of dates, bananas, and rice pudding again to take up to my room to eat for fajr. Today my Muslim friend jokingly said I think I am going to take you to the Mosque at the end of Ramadan and everyone there will love you for observing this old Muslim tradition. I simply don't look like a typical Muslim. I thought to myself that due to the fact that I am a white person, an American from the Midwest originally, with brown hair and blue eyes, that I would be welcomed as an ally for this often demonized religion in this country. That thought made me smile. I have mixed feelings about this notion of so called "Islamophobia" in so much that it's not the people (Muslims) anti-theist are combating in the war of ideas but the doctrine of Islam. However, in this country we profile people and it's unfortunately. Just as we do with Hispanics in the border states or African Americans nearly everywhere, we do the same with Muslims in the long wake after 9/11. Some of the most loving people I know are practicing Muslims. I would trust my life to these beautiful, kind, loving, caring people. I remembered what I said earlier, it all goes back to us simply being a species of apes just trying work things out in our heads all the time.

Day 7 (Tuesday)

This is it. This is day 7 for me, day 8 for some. I woke today without a hitch, had my breakfast, and also had a great morning prayer before sunrise. I prayed again for Dhuhr just before 1pm. I went to work as usual in the afternoon. I thought not eating all day would make me irritable. In the past I have become a monster to people I'm around if I haven't eaten in a long while. Working in a retail environment just magnifies the problem since it seems 99% of the customers that come in are morons and never know what they actually want. I was pleasantly surprised to notice that instead of making me angry towards my fellow human beings, fasting brought about a certain love for people. I know that sounds cheesy but it is true. In my hunger-fueled daze I became more compassionate and move interested in helping people.

One example: Tonight I helped a woman who was basically dying of cancer. She had lymphoma and was in our store just after a chemo treatment. She was constantly apologizing for not being able to talk well and express a clear thought. She was looking for anti-cancer cookbooks and other such helpful healthy books. I spent so much time talking with her about her life and I kept making her laugh. She loved me, she told me after I ordered several books for her. She found me engaging and fun to be around and after our exchange it hit me. It felt like a shot of adrenaline mixed with some euphoric drug high that I have never experienced on any drug. It was noticeably physical (chills, hair standing on end, elation - like I was almost coming out of my body.) It was as if the routinely "feel good about yourself" feeling you experience after helping others was magnified by my fasting and I felt like I jumped up a level in life. I felt transcended in that moment where I had to grab a hold of a nearby table to anchor myself in my weak state. That was an experience I will never forget and it's becoming extremely clear to me now that Ramadan is beginning to be a very positive experience in my life.

I prayed at work again, broke fast at 8pm with a few dates, then burrito and rice pudding. I ate a few walnuts as well. However, again went out with friends and had a few beers. The hardest part apparently I have with trying to emulate a Muslim during Ramadan is not drinking beer (and of course coffee and water). Even though the night went a little south off the path of a practicing Muslim the day was well worth my signing up for this ritual. I am now used to not eating until sundown. I went to bed satisfied about my experiences during my first week of Ramadan.

Week two coming soon ...

An Atheist Observes Ramadan Introduction

Hello,
I'm an atheist, obviously. Starting tomorrow I will be participating in Ramadan. As far as I know it isn't against the rules to blog during Ramadan. There are many rules though and I'll talk about them as I go along here. My fellow atheist and friend will be joining me. You will be able to follow his experience here:

Abstractainabsentia.wordpress.com

I plan on writing multiple posts during this month long observance of the Muslim ritual. We're asking the question why can't non-Muslims participate in Muslim rituals? Yeah! We'll see what comes of it. Please no pictures of food or drink. I really don't want to have to break my fast because someone sends me a picture of a cheeseburger. Keep you posted with emails once the fast begins.

-Magog.

My God Is the Sun & What It Means To Be An Atheist

Kneeling, my god is the sun
Heal them, with fire from above
Kneeling, my god is the sun

- Josh Hume (lead singer of the band "Queens of the Stone Age")

What if we were so fascinated with something we could observe that we worshiped it? Many ancient civilizations of humans (and quite possibly other species of other hominids) worshiped the sun, the moon, the stars, day, night, fire, and a wide variety of various animal species. How strange is it that the mentality of say a human being living hundreds of thousands of years ago has more in common with me than the all American white Christian family that attends their mega church every Sunday morning. These ancient hunter gatherers worshiped what sustained their lives. It makes sense. I can relate to sun worship completely. Without it I wouldn't be here to worship it. The ancient tribes lived off the animal gods that gave them meat and filled their stomachs. They saw the power of the sun growing their food as they began to move towards agriculture.

What we have now is people worshiping a god that has been presented in various ancient story books. What corner of the earth are you from geographically? This will more times than not pick what specific story book you will read. In this book you will read about a certain God of your ancestors. A God that in 2013 (when we have 3D printers, global positioning satellites, and electric cars) you are still required to worship. I was just looking at information online  on the month long Muslim ritual known as Ramadan. I have become somewhat fascinated by Islam as of late. Mainly because it's a religion I know essentially nothing about. I have been reading the Qu'ran and watching documentaries about trips to Mecca. Don't worry I'm still an atheist, of course. All I've noticed so far from the readings is a rip-off of the Old Testament.

Recently I was talking to an atheist friend of mine about how cool it would be, as non-Muslims, to attend a pilgrimage to Mecca someday. I was mentioning how I considered participating in Ramadan along side a Muslim friend of mine. Before looking into Ramadan much I had romantic ideas about this month long fast as something that could teach discipline and focus. It would clear my cluttered mind and the charity part of it was such a drawing point as well. I wanted to give the food I was supposed to eat for the day to the homeless. That sounded like a very humanitarian-driven feature of Ramadan.

However, once I started reading more, that old familiar bitter taste of religious dogma came back. The idea of sexuality being impure. It's not the command to abstain from having sexual relationships for a month that bothers me, it's that the reason for doing so. The reason for the abstinence is because sexuality in general is considered "worldly" or "unholy". Also, the idea of not drinking water all day is absurd (especially in the desert). You can see the barbaric ignorant mental process of the creators of this entire ritual when you see the exceptions: You are exempt from the required fasting if you are menstruating, traveling, are severely ill, breast-feeding, or pregnant. It reminds me of the Old Testament and all the ridiculous rules and regulations down to the last specific detail of Yahweh and His obsessive compulsive disorder. Yahweh is just re-labeled "Allah" in the Qu'ran. You see the ugly head of religion and it's reward-based charity when you read that during Ramadan good deeds are more handsomely rewarded.

I remember fasting when I was younger. It was during my Bible college years. Though it may seem like elaborate front for not having money to eat as any other typical college freshman would attest to, it was something I thought gave me some insight into God's plan for my life. God tends to speak clearer when you starve your body of nourishment. It's really quite silly when you think about it. Starve your body of water and food for days and your mind hallucinates. Your eyes and ears play tricks on you. I hate to break it to the faithful, but the year is 2013 and we have this thing called medical science: It's not God, it's malnourishment, come you silly superstitious creatures.

I have been reading this book lately with a theist friend Dan I have mentioned in my past emails. It's called "An Atheist's Guide to Reality". (It was his pick). I agree with most of what I've read so far in the book, but it really got me thinking about what it means to be an atheist. I think most the time when we argue or debate with theist friends or family members they don't understand how things are set up. They don't understand they own the burden of proof. The default position is no God. It's that simple. To make a positive claim they have to prove to us that there is a God then they have to prove that their specific God (Yahweh - for Christians. Allah - for Muslims) is the correct God.

That is a monumental task since proving a being who's essence is "outside of time and space" and supernatural is impossible using scientific inquiry. Since science deals with the natural world. So the lazy theist will shake their hands and say, - See, it's a wash then. No one can prove there is or isn't a god when all we have is natural means to test a natural world. No one wins. That's where faith comes in. It's all about faith.. and that whole dead way of using your ignorance and subjective experience as somehow proof you are on to something. It is not a wash. We never owned the burden of proof (the theist did by default) unless we as an atheist are saying there is no god -- which I, for one, am not. There is simply not enough evidence that there is a god = Atheist. 

So that's the basic philosophical argument part of what it is to be an atheist. So if the atheist can get a theist to admit that they have all the work to prove to you that there 1. is a god and 2. that their specific god is the correct one, then you can actually move forward, or I should say, they can move forward presenting you evidence. If it's a Christian you may get something along the lines of -- OK, I can show you the historical evidence for the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus. The Lee Strobel types. First off, is it actually possible that we can be 99.9% (science doesn't deal in absolutes) certain of this historical evidence?  Can we trust ancient medical practices? Could there have been a lie told? A dishonest human being? A fudged medical test result? What's more likely that those that examined Jesus' body after he died were part of the conspiracy to make Jesus appear to be who he said he was OR that Jesus was an actual son of a God (as well as God himself, who had no mother) that created this cosmos, that made himself part of this strand of ape species he created to die for all homo sapiens (ignoring all the other species. Maybe they need their own savior?) to appease his father/himself so he/his father doesn't have to send this particular ape species to an eternal lake of fire in another plane of existence when they die (by the way, oxygen is required for fire thus there is oxygen in hell).

We don't even need to go this far with this strand of evidence. Even if all of these were true and Jesus did raise from the dead, so what? At best we get something really "weird" happened in ancient Palestine. Something that required further inquiry to see how this medical "miracle" happened. Could we replicate the results of this discovery of a resurrection event? It doesn't lock in the truth of the rest of the Biblical claims. Christians act as if proving Jesus' resurrection would end the god debate, because all the prophecies would be fulfilled and all the pages of the bible proven to be true. (of course not the pages where in Leviticus god tells us how to cure leprosy.) For example, I believe the "flat earth hypothesis" to be 100% correct. I have seen the earth and it looks flat to me (observation is one of the core tenants of science experimentation.) Of course many other points claimed in this disproved hypothesis have been debunked many many years ago, yet there are still actual people that believe the earth is flat. Check out holocaust deniers or all politicians are reptilian aliens. There are many conspiracy theories out there that have colonels of truth to them, but it doesn't meant the entire conspiracy theory story is correct. Same goes with the resurrection story of the Bible.

Proving Jesus resurrected and even ascended to "heaven" still doesn't answer the question of why? Why in the world would a God be the same person as his own son in the first place? How do you have a son without a mother? Why would that son/father combo along with the vestige god part (according to Baptists) the Holy Spirit set up everything this way? Why does he need to sacrifice a third (which is also the whole) of himself to himself, I mean come on here? This is laughable. I remember in Sunday School they would tell us that before Jesus people were allowed into heaven if they sacrificed a lamb to God, but when Jesus became the "ultimate lamb" (which I'm sure would be his license plate if Jesus drove a car) people no longer had to sacrifice lambs. What? What about the lambs? What kind of God needs lambs blood to settle down his anger? The god of the bible sounds psychotic at the very least. How adults can still believe this stuff is beyond me.

This also gets us into intelligent design vs. unintelligent design. Things we DO know about our universe have been given to us by scientific investigations. Entire fields of science have given us our past - evolutionary biology. In this field of science we see all sorts of design flaws. If you look at each of these it begins to look like sloppy evolution by natural selection over grand design of some omniscient deity. Cosmology shows us the same thing on a grand scale. The sheer waste of energy and empty space. Here we have black holes, dark matter, collapsing stars, failed galaxies. What kind of design is this? A failed one. Even in the Christian's holy book, the Bible, God is a failed designer. He made a species of ape (after his own image. God must have been really hairy back then) that rebelled and since they didn't obey their father he had to start over with a world wide flood. Another example of poor design. The book of revelations is yet to happen apparently. What is it about? More wiping out of a species due to a failed design. He keeps having to start over all the time. God looks more and more incompetent than anything. Trust me, it's not just the Bible, the Qu'ran is full of an insecure, incompetent god that requires constant worship too. As Christopher Hitchens once said, -- these sorts of things cannot being believed by a thinking person. It's true. Those that live with their cognitive dissonance are simply selecting the information they choose to retain.

Meet the "Flat Earthers":
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flat_earth#Modern_flat-Earthers

Neil deGrasse Tyson on UNintelligent Design in the Universe:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ti3mtDC2fQo

Queens of the Stone Age song "My God Is the Sun":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-90obSa1Az4

Bishop John Shelby Spong talks about Carl Sagan and his calculations on the ascention of Jesus. Where is Jesus now? Sagan did the math:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhAmYJgbFqk