I recently had the privilege of going back in time. I boarded a plane from the city in which I live now and flew to a small town in Illinois. I grew up in this small town of a little over twenty thousand people. I spent a full week, first visiting my mother in a town of around a hundred thousand people just over thirty miles from my father. Visiting family has always been very important to me and I wish deeply that I could do it much more often than just once a year. My father doesn't travel much so it's imperative that I make the journey back to see him. My mother visits me much more often and we've taken several vacations together with others. There were many warm, (and I'm not referring to the weather since it was nine degrees most of the time) memorable experiences on my trip back home, but there was also some moments that made me remember just how bizarre, illogical, and detached religious thinking can be.
First a little background:
I should begin by saying that I attended an Evangelical Christian school growing up (grade school, middle school, and high school) in this same small town. Some teachers were not even certified teachers on the subjects they taught. My graduating class for high school was only three total people including myself. Our principal was many times the teacher. He would often show up late and in many classes we would be permitted to leave to pick up snacks or run errands. One teacher even played guitar for us instead of teaching us history or science. (I forget the specific course). This isn't to say that all teachers there were unqualified or didn't care about giving us a proper education. There was one in particular who did care about the quality of education. but she was the exception to the rule.
The trip down memory lane happened almost instantaneously when I arrived at my father's house. He informed me that he wanted us both to attend a fundraiser (a night of trivia) for the Christian school I once attended, the school he paid a decent amount of money to send me to for twelve years. For reasons mentioned in the previous paragraph I was reluctant but I was mostly against this idea due to the inadequate science being taught to me and to this day at that school. I've mentioned before in previous blogs that the school I was educated in taught Intelligent Design and did not teach the Theory of Evolution. This is quite common in Evangelical Christian private schools, however knowing what I know now it's something I could never support with my money. I expressed this to my dad while not going into much detail. He said he would pay which freed up my conscious about the whole thing.
I was in a tough spot instantly and I didn't really know what to do. I texted family and friends that understand what kind of a tough position this is. The fact is my father wanted me to go. Despite all I loathe about religion and especially teaching religion as science this was my dad's social group of peers. This was a group that he was a part of and he wanted to bring his son. My dad loves me, no doubt and he wanted me to come for support and company. So I swallowed my hatred of all things religion and went along. Who knows, I thought, maybe it'll be fun. I often watch 700 Club as I often watch Fox News. Just for the novelty of watching how absurd a certain point of view is that I particularly, ardently disagree with.
The turnout was much larger than I expected. There were around ten large round tables with about ten to fifteen people sitting at each table. These were the teams. On the wall was a large board with each team name written to keep score. Creative team names such as "God is Awesome", "The No Names", and "Jesus' is Lord" were written on the left side of the trivia score chart. Our team consisted of an old grade school teacher, an adult Sunday school teacher from the church the school is affiliated with, and a handful of people that attended the church. All of these church goers were people that literally watched me grow up in the church. My dad sat to my left. To my right- a quite man who was of no help at all in trivia. Next to him was a man who had some ignorant generalizing statements about President Obama and how he will have to pull his guns from his cold dead hands. - You know - loving statements that someone like Jesus would have made. More than once I looked over at him with just a look of "seriously?!" on my face.
The trivia questions ranged from Bible topics to bad reality TV shows to movie quotes. I have to admit it was sort of fun. I enjoy a good game of trivia now and then. My favorite topic was "Religion". In this section questions where asked about Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Scientology, and Catholicism. I knew each one of these questions. And strangely I was the only one that seemed to have a working knowledge of other religions beliefs. It just goes to show you that the average Evangelical church-goer arrives at their Christian beliefs not in a scientific way. They don't learn about other religions first then compare and contrast before choosing the one that seems the most in line with reality. No they just follow like sheep. This is just speaking of most people at this particular church/school function. I'm not generalizing all evangelicals. Ultimately it boils down to faith. Faith without sufficient evidence. One particular religion was missing in this series of questions. Can you guess which one? That's right - Christianity (of the Protestant, Evangelical, Baptist variety). This is because these dear people don't consider their beliefs religion. Recently Bill O'Reilly said Christianity isn't a religion on his show. He incorrectly stated that Christianity was a philosophy. However, these people don't consider it a mere philosophy. They consider it the Truth.
During this enjoyable trivia match I noticed a roughly familiar face giving me dirty looks. It came from two tables to my right. It took me a minute but I finally realized who it was. Near the end of my facebook lifespan I remembered having a heated debate about evolution vs. creationism with this glaring creationist. He no doubt did not approve of my attendance, spoiling the good Christian fellowship with my pro-science ideas. If I remembered correctly the debate did not end well. He went off at the end and we ended the discussion on quite a sour note. What can I say, he was a dumbass. Anyways, there he was giving me the evil eye, and I just blew it off and went back to answering questions about Honey Boo Boo.
After the trivia and several plates of homemade pizza and brownies (church goers know how to cook! Seriously.) my dad and I talked with the principal of the Christian school the fundraiser was for - my old school. As much as I hated everything this ignorant small town school stood for its so hard to hate on this man. The principal is such a warm engaging individual cracking jokes with what seems to be genuine interest in my life. We laughed about old basketball stories briefly and talked about mostly sports and that was that. No confrontations like in the documentary "The God Who Wasn't There" (A film I've always wanted to recreate where a bitter atheist comes back to his California Christian school to chew out the principal for teaching children bullshit). So I was forced to come to the realization that this man that I threw all my hatred on because of my severely inadequate education was really a decent guy. I don't believe him to be maniacal, sinister, or a con man. I just think he really thinks he's doing good. Just like my dad. Just like all these religious fundamentalists at these tables playing trivia. Intent isn't an excuse for ignorance but it helps humanize things a bit. I was forced to come to terms with my hatred and redirect it away from any one individual. (My dad sent me to this school because he thought it would help me, I couldn't hate him for that either.) I had to direct it at the religion itself. I have to always remember to attack the concept, the rituals, the dogma, NOT the individuals that promote such things.
My Saturday night came to an end without a hitch and my father and I had a great ride home. I made my dad six CD compilations of oldies from the 50's and 60's. He loved that gift. We listened to each CD on the ride home and with each song brought a memory of his childhood and teenage years. He told me stories of what they reminded him of and we laughed hard at the absurdity of youth. Each track brought joy and when all is said and done so did our trivia night together at the Christian school I grew up. I was happy to make my dad happy by going and even though it was hard to do initially I think it was the right thing to do for our relationship. Just me and my dad going to Christian School Trivia Night in the gym of my old school.
The next day was Sunday, which meant church. Most people think of Sunday school as something little children attend. Well, you would be wrong at this church. In the church I grew up in adults attend Sunday school too. It starts at 9am and lasts one hour. The main church service and sermon follows and lasts til 11am. I used to always avoid the Sunday school part on these visits every year because the one time I did go I was put on the spot and asked questions about Noah's ark, burning bushes, jack and the bean stock and other real events in history. Luckily I attended Bible College for two years after Christian high school so I knew most of the answers. This year was different, I decided to go with dad to Sunday school. Sunday school was in the same gym as the night before (the school and church share the same building). Two of the same round tables were used, and mostly the same people that were in our group the night before were there. Prayer requests were taken, (Even the unspoken ones - that's for you, Steve) announcements made, prayer, then sermon.
The sermon was based on the book of Habakkuk in the Old Testament. I hit the record button on my iPhone to tape parts of it. Why? No idea. The message centered on the power of prayer. The Sunday school teacher spoke on God always answering prayers, it just may not be how we like it to be answered. He talked about trials in a Christians life and how that's all part of God's plan. It was pretty typical for a sermon on prayer. When we prayed I kept my eyes opened, didn't bow my head, but played with my phone. I don't bow my head to anyone anymore (even the ancient Jewish desert god, Yahweh). Prayer is a joke and I laughed inside at parts of the sermon and mostly didn't pay attention.
After this it was off to the main event: the sermon delivered by none other than the "spiritual expert" and our "spiritual dear leader". Pastor is a typical evangelical pastor with weirdly parted hair, extremely white from the south, and overweight. His blend of confidence, humor, and authority no doubt gave him his prestigious job of taking money from naive old people. (*I'll talk more on tithing later). The pastor of this church is the same pastor I've had most of my life. He was the same pastor that let me preach a Wednesday night service once when I was a teenager on how Christianity/Jesus was really sort of punk rock and radical. Oh God. I hope those tapes don't exist still or I would have to burn them immediately. It was the only time I ever preached to a congregation. Wednesday night services at that church were always less than fifty people so it wasn't too impressive I suppose.
My dad always sits his Bible down on the left side on far back pew so I know where to sit as he sings in the choir. I used to sing in the same choir too. Now the choir is small, just like the overall attendance of the church. There are mostly women now, only three men (including my dad and the choir director) sing. They always add a new piece of modern technology each time I visit every year. A few years back it was an electronic drum set. This year was two video screens that project a music video to accompany the choir. The song the choir sang was called "God So Loved the World". The music video playing with the song showed random people from all over the world holding post it notes up matching the lyrics to the song. Post-it's with the sentences like "Let us Love" (I thought to myself - who is not letting Christians love? Is Christian love really being suppressed? What does that even mean?!) or "God so loved the world". Well, duh. I think we all know that by now... There was even a quick clip of some book called "Atheism" randomly. Not really sure what the point of that was. God loves people that don't believe he exists in the first place?
After the choir was a few more congregational worship songs for us to join in. Again, I did not participate. I now personally do not like singing songs talking about worshiping my master or how inadequate I am from birth. I am not a sheep and I have not gone astray (which is what the sermon was on). I have no master and I think I'm doing OK even with all of my flaws. I certainly do not think I'm damned from birth anymore. Following this was the "special music" as it is classified in the church bulletin. It was fucking terrible. Totally off key and off rhythm. I would compare it to the beginning trials of American Idol. It sure wasn't "hammer ring", I'll tell you that much. (... and that makes no sense to most people reading that. Good one.)
Then the big moment - The moment all the sheep were waiting for: The Sermon! It was titled "Being Lost" and for most of it, ... I was. Mainly because I would zone off for about ten minutes then try to catch up to what he was preaching. The pastor prefaced the entire sermon by stating, jokingly that good pastors every once in awhile have to dust off old sermons and breathe new life in them like the sermon he was about to give. OK so this was a recycled sermon, I thought, at least he was honest. Then I began to think about how many times this has to happen. How many sermons have been given in churches like this one I was in throughout all of modern Christian history in this country alone? How much can you rehash these basically well known concepts of redemption sacrifice and faith etc? And come to think of it this is exactly what being a professional "spiritual expert" (pastor or reverend) is. The faithful that scream "TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT!!!" to us atheists when debating horrible passages in the Bible are the same people that take a specific passage of a certain book in the Bible and use it to preach a whole sermon off of. They make it modern and accessible to their flock. They basically take it out of context to make it relevant. I would love to see this done with books like "Harry Potter" or "Twilight". Just write sermons on specific parts of the book that make a sweeping generalizing sermon.
Crafting a sermon is an art form in some ways. It's merely manipulating prose to get a point across when in reality you have no real idea or way of knowing the exact motive and context of each passage of this pieced together ancient text. The really good preachers can get their flocks to do the same thing, on their own, at home. They can train the brains of their congregation (which isn't hard for us easily deceived, superstitious primates) to read more into the Bible than what is there. You see, that's where the Holy Spirit comes in. It's basically your creative imagination letting you take a specific passage and apply it to you finding your car keys or you getting that job promotion you wanted. Didn't you know that book in Job was talking about how you just got demoted at your job? God works in mysterious ways. He foresaw you losing this position at work. This is nonsense. This is the sickness of religion. Sure, it's an answer to something but it's a horrible answer. It's childish and wishful thinking. It was our very first answer as a species but we know better now and it's time to let go of this way of thinking. These were the thoughts I was thinking as I drifted away from what the pastor was preaching.
Another thought I had during the sermon was about the core of all things religious. - The supernatural. The pastor was speaking in specific parameters. These include the rules of the universe according to him - Original sin. Redemption. Atonement. Judgement. The pastor said angels are here effecting this natural world in which we live. Angels and demons are controlling real events on this planet as we speak. All of these things (including angels and demons) can be stopped in their tracks before we ever begin a discussion with a believer by saying we don't believe in the supernatural realm. There is no proof of this realm. If angels and demons are interjecting themselves and changing the course of natural events on planet earth in it's 4.6 billion year history then we ought to be able to test these effects. If it's natural, science can test it. If it's supernatural it's not science. There's no evidence for supernatural woo woo. Believers want it both ways. They can't have it both ways.
The sermon started easing into the ever recognizable softer tone which indicated it was coming to an end. The pastor did the cherished "God loves you BUT if don't accept him he will allow you to burn forever in fire" dialogue. As the sermon came to an end the "love you / burn you" message (which of course makes Yahweh seem like a bipolar psychopath) drummed loud and clear as the pastor finally concludes with the famous "Every head bowed please. Every eye closed. So that the spirit of god has an opportunity to deal with hearts and lives." - I thought. So the head bowing (like slaves do) and eyes closing (you know, be blind about your belief system) is directly linked to god being capable of dealing with hearts and lives? Could one leave their head up and open their eyes during this invitation? Would god be able to deal with their heart and life then? All these questions are good sound scientific inquiries. I'm working on it.
The dear leader did something to prove he was a "man of god". He shared a prophecy. He spoke directly to a person in the audience that hadn't been to church in awhile (hmmm.) or hadn't been faithful in some time. He spoke to the person that was like the prodigal son he spoke of in the sermon and said that your skepticism and all your critical thinking can never get you to heaven. (AKA: Celestial North Korea, you know with all the constant praising and worshiping.) - I thought to myself - no problem there. Heaven sounds terrible. I'll pass. This person, the pastor said, will have to face god's judgement and one day it will be too late to come to Jesus. (Threats of eternal fire - my personal favorite tenant of the Christian faith. It's so cute!) I think he may have been talking about me. Mainly because there was about sixty people in the audience, all of which I recognized from my past as the normal church goer here at this church. So, I stood up flipped off the pastor and said, "Fuck You and your fascist god!" ....
.... Actually I just sat there with not a tinge of guilt inside or whatever I was supposed to feel, whatever I used to feel as a child. However, I did find it amusing, I had forgotten about the invite the pastor gives in these invitations to go into a side room and talk with the "spiritual expert" about your spiritual life or lack thereof. I considered for a brief moment of doing just that. Not because I felt "lost" but because I just wanted to argue with him. The last part of the service is the offering. Gotta get paid! Gotta get paid! Holla Dolla Dolla Billz ya'll!!!
Before the service started the secretary of the church handed my dad an envelope. It was a record of all of his tithing he had done for the year (for tax purposes). My first thought when she handed him that envelope was how pathetic that was for him to give ten percent of his net income to this church (and more for missions - where Baptist missionaries go overseas and offer great humanitarian work then force them to believe in the ancient Jewish desert God Yahweh. You know.... helping people!) . Then I began to look at it from a different perspective. It's like my father's country club. It's like a membership fee to join a social group. I mean besides the "spiritual guidance" he thinks he needs, he also receives meals and help from fellow church goers if something were ever to go wrong with his house or car. In that respect the church is good for the community. And I should emphasize ONLY in that respect. I suppose one could argue the placebo effect in regards to "spiritual things" does help some. I would argue the harm that is done to the critical thinking mind of these church goers is much worse. A skill so valuable in deciphering bullshit from real shit.
We left the church without talking to really anyone at all. My dad has a knack for racing to his vehicle like Flash Gordon so as to not socialize (which was always strange to me) or to be the first in line at the local buffet before all the fellow church goers arrived. Maybe it was a combination of both. We gorged on food like usual after the church service. I brought up a few books I was reading such as Stephen Pinker's new book on how violence has decreased in the span of human history. I felt it was a worthy topic in lieu of all the gun violence / gun control hype being sensationalized on Conservative TV (Fox News). We also talked about family and the future. We enjoyed each others company despite the utter nonsense projected upon us less than an hour prior. My dad and I spent the remainder of our time together in the next few days watching old movies, laughing about old memories, showing him interesting sites online, bowling, and having good conversation over meals.
I boarded my plane remembering why I left this way of thinking behind, but also remembering why I love my dad. I love my dad because in spite of what I consider a flawed approach to judging reality he loves me (maybe despite who I am as an non-believer). In this life we have to chose love over hate ultimately to make a pleasurable go at it. The overall goal is to simply minimize suffering and to be kind to those around us. My dad does this all the time. I miss him and I just left. I turned on my ereader and opened the book I had been enjoying on my flight home and continued on, only to glance over to my right. A man wearing cowboy boots and cowboy hat reading a book titled "Science in the Bible" by Ray Comfort. I just shut my eyes and clinched my jaw. It's time to educate those we love, show them that we love them, treat them with respect while showing them their beliefs are not worth respect. I have never came "out of the closet" about my atheism with my father. It's a combination of fear of being cut off in our relationship and not knowing exactly how to express it where he can digest it by fully understanding where I'm coming from.
My dad said when we were sitting at the dinner table how he can not believe how some scientists can be atheists. I think the same thing about scientists who are christian. The fact of the matter is my father doesn't know I'm not only a vocal atheist but a vocal anti-theist. I despise religion and think it's a dead way of thinking that needs to die off like alchemy or astrology and all the other first attempts at understanding how the universe works. I love my dad a lot but it's something that is probably best left alone. Two polar opposite views that never the twain shall meet. I'm OK leaving it that way. He is happy and I honestly think that some people are unreachable. I think that he is one of the unreachable. He needs his religion til the day he dies, and I have to say ... If it makes him happy - I'm happy for his happiness. It's a strange position to have as I type up this anti-religion blog. To think that I am OK with letting another human being (let alone someone as close to me as my own father) live a life blissfully unaware that what they believe not only isn't true but it is childish and a wish to be a slave. There is no evidence for the god of the Bible. In the words of the band Wilco, "No, your Bible can't be true." Now for those of you who are in a similar position as me understand. We must keep in mind the importance of family over all else. We must love them despite their blind faith. Show them that us non-believers have giant hearts full of love too! We must show them real love, not some sacrificial supernatural love, or some love due to rewards in heaven, but real love. A human love. Because that's who we are. And that's good enough. We don't need saving from the lion's den.
